Free Speech?

Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it, too.
I don't know what that means. No one does. Of course if you have cake you're gonna wanna eat it. A more apt saying would be that everyone wants to have their cake and ice cream, too. See, the ice cream would be an added bonus.
When it comes to free speech, everyone wants their cake and ice cream, too. Both the left and right want free speech, but each only wants a particular kind of free speech. The right wants the ability to say whatever they want - attack gays, minorities, women, immigrants (legal and illegal) - but there's a catch: leave the president and all good, God fearing Americans alone. See, you can attack anyone, just as long as your targets aren't middle American conservatives.
Of course, the left isn't without sin, either. They're pro free speech, but only if you're speaking their language. Attack the president, Nazis, white supremacists, racists, homophobes? Sure. Talk about being pro-life, pro-God, pro-country/flag/veterans? Not interested.
Free speech is an oxymoron. Everything you say has value. Every word has a price attached. Therefore, the first amendment isn't quite accurate. It says that we have the right to free speech, but what we really have is the right to speech. You can say whatever you want, but it could cost you.
Attack the president? OK, but you might alienate half the country. Attack gays? Sure, but realize you're gonna make some enemies.
Everyone has opinions, everyone has thoughts, but it's how we've decided that our thoughts are OK that's the problem. Why is it OK to attack the president? Why is it OK to attack minorities? More importantly, why is it OK for me to have free speech but not you?
Conservatives had a huge issue with Eminem using free speech to tear into Donald Trump, yet many of those same conservatives had a problem when Milo Yannopolous (?) and Ann Coulter were denied the opportunity to speak at Cal-Berkley. Are they pro free speech or not?
And liberals, well, they loved what Eminem (and late-night talk show hosts) did, yet they rallied against Yannopolous and Coulter. Are they pro free speech or not?
Maybe someday we can all agree that speech is never free and that there are certain things you just shouldn't say. Maybe we can define "hate" speech and let people know that they can say anything, except that.
Until then, let's realize that you can't have your cake and ice cream, too. You have to pick.

Growing Up Britney

When I was a freshman in college I first heard "Baby One More Time" on the radio (it was 1998 and people still listened to the radio, don't judge me). I liked the song, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't in love with it. Even when I saw the video I felt basically the same. In my defense, I was already in love with Jennifer Love Hewitt and I had no more room in my heart for anyone else (again, it was 1998, don't judge me).
Obviously, I eventually saw the error of my ways and replaced Love with Jean (Britney's middle name, not some random person named Jean), because if I hadn't, this post would be titled "Growing Up Love." Though, to be fair, I did try to love (no pun intended) both equally. Sadly, Love sort of disappeared from the public eye to get married and have babies, thereby making it easy for me to focus all of my attention on Britney.
Back in college, I didn't find too many Britney fans. My friends put up with my Britney obsession, but none of them were exactly jumping at the chance to watch her on TV or listen to her music. And definitely no one was excited to go see her live in concert. Thankfully, I did talk one person into seeing the Dream Within A Dream tour (great show, by the way, but you probably know that already if you're reading this).
As I got older and my Britney obsession grew (how could it not, have you seen the woman?), I realized how different I was than most fans. Mostly, I was straight. Heterosexual male Britney fans are kinda like Bigfoot - you hear about them, but do they really exist? I'm not sure why it's so crazy to think a straight guy would be into Britney Spears considering she's gorgeous and has created some of the sexiest videos ever.
Being a Britney fan is great, but to be honest, it's also frustrating. No, I'm not talking about the "Make Me" video debacle, 2007 or Britney Jean. I mean for me, as a straight male. I've seen Britney three times. Once, as I mentioned above, followed by the Onyx Hotel tour with a female friend who's now married (not to me) and the Circus tour with no one. Yes, I so badly wanted to see the Circus tour that I went alone. Some people might not think that's such a bad thing; some people might have even seen Britney by themselves, too. But it's really less fun without someone to share it with (and trust me, I asked everyone I could think of first).
It's not all bad, though. Loving Britney has allowed me to get to know some great people online over the past decade plus (actually, it's probably close to 20 years now). And hearing about Britney addicts meeting up in Las Vegas to see Piece of Me sounds amazing. That's the best part of her Vegas residency, actually: the ability to meet other fans. You're not doing that if she's touring the country. I doubt I could convince a bunch of people to come to Boston to see her.
That's what I was missing in college - knowing other Britney fans. It was just me in my dorm room listening to Britney all alone (wow, how sad does that sound? I did leave every once in while and I did socialize with other people, just for the record). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to know them now. And seeing them talk (Tweet, Facebook, Instagram) about her definitely makes me happy.
I remember the first Britney forum I ever visited. It was Heaven to find a place where people weren't making fun of Britney. Of course, those old websites have come and gone. I've also gotten older (*sadface*) and don't have the same amount of time to devote to Britney (*doublesadface*). I definitely miss the late nights waiting up for the new Britney song to come out or video to debut. Now, I have to wait until morning (adulthood, what a pain, am I right?). Eventually, I'll probably just catch the new stuff when I can, instead of obsessing over every detail (trust me, it'll happen to you).
I know there are much bigger fans than me, people who've seen her 10, 20 times, had multiple meet & greets and probably have every single song on their iPod (hello, "Email My Heart"). Those people are crazy and I love them. They're the ones I'd love to meet in Vegas some day. Actually, I do know some of those people and I know they'll be in Vegas next April. Maybe if a large sum of money falls into my lap (or I start dating a rich woman), I'll be there, too.
Nah, probably not, but I can dream. Perhaps even Dream Within A Dream (yeah, I said it).

Stepping Away From the Negativity

I love Britney Spears. You don't have to know me for very long to know that. I have hundreds of Britney songs on my iPod, I'm always watching Britney videos on youtube, and I'm constantly posting about Britney on Twitter, Facebook or any Britney fan site.
Why am I telling you this? Am I about to swerve you and tell you I'm handing in my Stan card? Has Britney's newest video sent me over the edge? Am I cancelling my "Glory" pre-order? Absolutely not!
I've been a Britney fan since 2000 and the release of "Oops I Did It Again" the album. I was 19 when that album came out. I was in college trying to study (and more honestly trying to get a girlfriend). When "Baby One More Time" came out, I fell in love with Britney but shied away from full-fledged Standom (not to mention the term hadn't been invented yet; Eminem's song wouldn't be released until May of 2000).
Being a straight male, I didn't want people to know I listened to Britney. A couple of her songs were acceptable, like "Baby" and "Crazy," but most weren't acceptable for a heterosexual male to like. So, I listened to her music in secret in my bedroom. When the albums came out, "Oops" and "Britney," I downloaded them illegally. I was embarrassed to go to the store (no iTunes then) and buy them.
By 2003, I finally said fuck it and bought "In the Zone" (her third best album in my opinion). I started caring less what people thought of a 20-something heterosexual guy loving Britney. I had posters of her on my wall, I had her t-shirt, and I used her pictures as wallpaper for my desktop computer. I was a fell-fledged Stan.
I'll say this honestly: it's hard to be a straight male Britney fan. I say this not out of any embarrassment, because there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I say this because my relationships with female Britney fans are just different than gay fans have. I'll never be as close to them as their gay friends. There's always going to be that, "is he just trying to get with me?" feeling.
I know there have been some meetups within the Britney community. It's basically women with some of their gay friends sprinkled in. I feel like I don't fit in. I understand that it is what it is, to put it in simple terms.
Therefore, I stand on the outside looking in. To feel a part of the Britney family, I post on a popular message board. However, I've gotten to the point where I can't take it any more. The negativity surrounding Britney's newest video, "Make Me," has finally pushed me over the edge. I'm keeping my Stan card, I earned that, but I can't take the bitching, complaining and moaning.
I love Britney. I love most of her fans. But for me it's time to take a step back. I'm not leaving the community. I'll tweet to them and continue to promote Britney. I love Britney Galaxy and their positivity. I love, in no particular order, Cristi, Rachel, Alycia, Lauren, Brittany, Monica, Emily, Tina, Lizzy, and a hundred others. They are the most amazing and kind-hearted women I've ever spoken to.
I'm excited to listen to "Glory" on Aug. 26. I love the "Make Me" video and will watch it on repeat until my eyes bleed. I just need to step away from the hate. I have no time in my life for that.

You Made Your Bed, Now Kill Yourself

The Internet is a fucked up place. Well, it can be.
You make one mistake and people will destroy you. Nameless, faceless people, but people nonetheless.
You cheat on your boyfriend and get caught? Prepare to be called every name in the book. And if that name-calling causes you to try something you can't take back, like suicide, don't expect apologies from the name-callers. You brought this on yourself, remember, by cheating.
This unfortunate situation arose where Kyrie Irving's girlfriend cheated on him. Or it was his ex-girlfriend and she, therefore, didn't cheat. But it was definitely the first scenario, according to Internet detectives who did no actual detective work and just chose to assume the juicier scenario.
Anyway, this woman, Kehlani, supposedly cheated on Irving with an ex. When he posted a picture of what appeared to be the two of them in bed, the Internet went crazy. Never mind the fact that 90 percent of these people had no idea who she was. All they knew was that she (allegedly) cheated on a famous athlete. Kill her.
Sadly, these Internet warriors for truth and justice, i.e. trolls, were so callous in their comments that Kehlani attempted suicide. It's not the fact that they just assumed she had cheated, it's the fact that they felt it was their place to talk about it (even though, again, 90 percent had no clue who she was). She (allegedly) made one mistake.
Has no one ever made a mistake? When you cheat on your diet by having a cookie, do you get ripped apart with terrible names, names so disgusting that you want to kill yourself? When you cheat on a test, do you get shamed so badly that you want to kill yourself?
Everyone has made a mistake. Most of us make many every day.
These Internet warriors for truth and justice said that attacking her was OK because she cheated. They felt no sympathy, even though she attempted suicide, because she cheated. You make one mistake and you deserve to die, sayeth these bastions of the American way. It's sickening to think that one mistake, especially something as commonplace as infidelity can't be forgiven. (Not that any of us have to forgive her, since she didn't (allegedly) cheat on us.)
Maybe the saddest thing, amazingly, has nothing to do with feeling no empathy or sympathy for someone who attempted suicide. Maybe it's the idea that if the famous (male) athlete had cheated, he would have received high-fives and daps and slaps on the back from these same Internet warriors.
It would have been a lot of "your the man" and "get it" and "thats what she gets for tryna get wifed up" (these warriors tend to have terrible grammar and no grasp of the English language). But if a woman dare cheat on her famous boyfriend, then she's a "thot," a "ho," a "skank." What, men can't be hoes?
It would be a nice change of pace if, instead of tearing someone down for a mistake, we built them up. Instead of reminding them of the one bad thing they did, we reminded them that everyone does something stupid. We could tell them they're not alone. We could advise them to move on and keep trying to be the best person they can be.
Everyone deserves a shot at redemption . . . even on the Internet.

An Alternative to Feminism

With every woman seemingly announcing that she's a feminist nowadays, I feel like there must be some alternative idea that you can support. Why else would women feel the need to announce that they believe in the equality of the sexes.
Are there really women out there who don't believe in that philosophy? I can (almost) understand a man not being a feminist. With his penis and his big, fancy job and his killing of small bugs, he might believe that men do deserve more than women. But a woman who feels the same way?
Is there a woman out there who walks around thinking, "I don't have a penis or kill bugs or forget anniversaries or shave my face or wear baseball caps, like, every day, so I'll go ahead and work the same job as a man for less money. That's totally fair."
Therefore, if women nowadays are "coming out of the closet" so to speak, what did they believe before? What's the alternative to feminism?
1. Maybe these women didn't believe in the equality of the sexes because they felt women should be pad more than men. They thought, "We have vaginas, lactating nipples, smooth legs; we carry humans around inside of us for nine months; we cook, clean, tend to the children, pay the bills, in some cases bring home the bacon, and still find time to look presentable for that one night when the man actually takes us out." (Hmm, they might be right on this one. Perhaps we should pay women more.)
2, Maybe these women don't want to be defined as women and, therefore, only see one sex. If there were only one sex, then equality wouldn't be needed. Like, how the shortest distance between two points will always be a straight line so you don't even need to discuss it. If only one sex existed, being a feminist wouldn't even be a thing (kinda like the word zizaroni in that AT&T commercial).
3. Maybe the alternative to feminism is feminism. Perhaps they've always been feminists, but a. didn't know it or b. were too scared to admit it. Like homosexuals in high school in the 90s, they hid in the closet, hoping no one would find out their dirty secret. But now that the tide has turned, now that being a feminist is cool, they want to shout it from the rooftop.
However, maybe there's no alternative to feminism. Maybe these women thought feminism was a dirty word. Before 2014, a.k.a. the Year of the Feminist, those women were thought of as bra burners with hairy armpits who hate men. Now we know differently. Feminists don't hate men; they just want what we already have (minus the penis).
Hopefully, someday in the future women and men will play on the same team. Today, at least we're all playing on the same field, and that's a good start.

Brains Before Butts

Kim Kardashian posed for a magazine. Actually, Kim Kardashian's ass posed for a magazine and Kim decided to come along. The Internet freaked out, as if no one had ever seen an ass before. Not only have people seen asses, they've seen Kim's. Many times.
Somehow Kim keeps making headlines, even though she's never actually done anything. She keeps ending up on magazine covers, even though she hasn't done anything. She can #BreakTheInternet without actually doing anything.
The media's obsession with Kim, their desire to put her (and her massive ass) on magazine covers is a slap in the face to women who have actually done something. Women all over the world are working to cure cancer, fight terrorism, bring clean water to countries that don't have it, and generally make the world a better place. Yet, they don't make magazine covers. They don't have big asses.
Sure, maybe some do. Maybe some of these hard-working, giving, generous women have a butt as big and glorious as Kim's. But they wouldn't show it. They know it's not their ass that's doing good deeds. Their ass won't make the world a better place to live. They use their minds for that.
Maybe Kim is really smart. Maybe in another life she could cure cancer, fight wars or give back to society. But in this life she's just a girl with a huge ass. She could strive for more, but all she apparently wants to do is #BreakTheInternet (and show her daughter that if you have a big ass you can have anything you want).
I'm sure the women who are out there - the ones fighting disease, poverty and terrorism - wouldn't want the exposure that Kim gets. But I doubt they want to see women getting exposure for simply having a large body part. What kind of message are we sending to young girls if we put women's asses on a pedestal and not their minds?
"Sweetie, put down the book. No one cares what you think. Just work on that ass."
You can't move forward as a society if you put the emphasis on the wrong things. We need to encourage women to think, learn, grow, work hard, and want everything. Men aren't on magazine covers bare-assed. Kim's husband isn't on a magazine cover bare-assed.
Some day Kim's ass will drop to below her knees and no one will want to look at it. Then what happens? Where does Kim go from there? Where does any woman go once the one thing they relied on leaves them? If we teach young girls to use their minds, then we're setting them up for a successful and fulfilling life where they know that the thing they rely on will never abandon them.
Dear Kim, women can be anything they want They can surely be more than an ass. So can you.

Queen of Vegas

Elvis is the King of Las Vegas. There's little dispute there. But who's the queen? Is it Celine Dion? Cher? Shania Twain?
Let me offer you Britney Spears. Why is she the Queen of Las Vegas? First, disregard what RadarOnline wants you to believe about low ticket sales and a half-filled arena. Check the numbers and you'll find that she's sold 97 percent of tickets. That's a lot of tickets.
Second, she's bringing people to Las Vegas. She's made Planet Hollywood $20 million since she started performing. Therefore, the casino offered her a pay raise and a contract extension.
Finally, if you ask anyone who's seen the show (famous and non-famous people), they all say how amazing it is.
I think it's safe to say that if you can fill the arena every night, make the casino millions and put on an amazing show that it qualifies you to wear the tiara.
Sure, a devil's advocate would argue that she's not selling out every show. But she's not just performing on the weekends. People are showing up mid-week to see her. Remember, this is La Vegas and people have to go see her. She's not coming to them. And when the shows aren't sold out, they're damn close.
Also, don't forget that Britney's fan base is either still in school or just starting out in the workplace and have limited funds. It shows just how popular she is that they'd choose to spend those funds on her. Other Las Vegas acts, like Celine, have older fan bases who have more expendable income.
Of course, the most important part is the show itself. Every fan who has written a report has said it's amazing. Celebs like Joe Jonas, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, Selena Gomez and Nicole Richie have all paid their respect and attended the show. Not one has had a negative thing to say.
Therefore, add it all up and you can only say, with the pun very much intended, that people want a "piece of her."