It's no coincidence that during these times when the spotlight shines brightly on bullying Taylor Swift would include on her latest album a song called "Mean." Someday, I'll be living in a big ol city, and all you're every gonna be is mean/Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, and all you're ever gonna be is mean, she sings.
No, this isn't a review of the song; it's merely a commentary. Perhaps she's singing about an abusive parent or a mean child in school. Either way, Taylor's not using dirty, underhanded tactics to deal with her bully. She's not fighting fire with fire, as the saying goes. She's being the bigger person, walking away, but reminding her tormentor that "all you're ever gonna be is mean" if you don't change.
It's very easy in bullying situations for the victim to want to fight back with violence or to embarrass the bully (fighting fire with fire). Neither of those tactics work. Some people say that in order to stop from being picked on, you have to stand up for yourself and throw the first punch. Unfortunately, there's a good chance that will just lead to you getting your ass kicked. The idea of a bully (someone who's, in theory, bigger than you) running scared because you dared to throw a punch is laughable. More likely, the bully will throw a punch right back, which is the exact situation you're trying to avoid.
If you want to preserve your own life and well-being, inciting violence does not seem like the wisest move. That doesn't mean you need to back down or run away or act scared. Standing up to a bully simply means letting him or her know regardless of what they do and say, you're not going to let it affect you. Eventually, they realize their strategy isn't working and they'll leave you alone. That's the ultimate goal.
I've been bullied. I was picked on. But in my life I've only thrown one punch. I survived my youth by avoiding confrontation. I wrestled someone to the ground once, but that was as far as I took it.
Bullies pick on the weaker because it's easier to push them around . . . obviously. Fighting back with violence doesn't make you stronger, it just makes you look desperate. It means the bully has achieved his or her goal by getting into your head and making you do things you don't wanna do. If a bully just wanted to fight, he'd pick on someone bigger who likes fighting.
Not only do you risk serious injury by fighting back aggressively, you also stoop to his or her level. You've become a bully yourself. Suppose you fight back, and suppose you somehow end up kicking the shit out of your bully. You're now no better than he or she is. Perhaps you were just defending yourself. But when does the violence escalate to the point where you're no longer defending yourself, he or she is.
No one wants to be picked on. No one wants to be seen as weak. But fighting back aggressively doesn't make you strong. If a bully is nonphysical means to harass you, using those same means to harass him or her doesn't make you better. It makes you no different.
I laugh when people who are angry with Perez Hilton for being a bully, use the same bullying tactics to insult him. An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind, they say. Two wrongs don't make a right, they say.
How about this one: to ere is human, to forgive is divine. It takes a big person to say, "I know you've been picking on me, know you've made my life miserable, but I don't hate you. I forgive you." Pope John Paul II went to the jail where the man who attempted to murder him was being kept and forgave him.
Maybe the next time you get picked on, you ask the bully, "Why ya gotta be so mean?"
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