There's a rumor going around, probably perpetuated by Sam Lutfi's defense team, that Britney's not testifying because she would defend Sam on the stand (even though the judge says it would cause Britney irrevocable harm to testify).
There are probably some people who buy that, some who think Sam is a good guy and didn't do anything bad to Britney. It just doesn't matter. Sam is suing the Spears family (Jamie and Lynne, but mostly Lynne for the book she wrote in 2008*) for defamation of character and causing irreparable damage to his reputation, plus breach of contract. The problem is, how can you defame a character that's already been dragged through the mud?
If Britney were to take the stand, what could she say other than, "Sam never did those things my mother alleged in her book." If she says that, then clearly the Spears' lawyers would ask her who did, forcing her to admit that she did it all to herself. Except, she wouldn't throw herself under the bus like that. She can't say her parents did it, because they were never there. Basically, if she testified and didn't want to testify against Sam she wouldn't be able to say anything.
It seems that Sam won't win in court, so he's aiming for a win with the public by making it look like Britney's team won't allow her to testify, not because it would do her harm, but because it would prove that Sam is not guilty of what Lynne alleges he's done.
Of course, it's quite possible that Lynne did exaggerate some of the things she wrote. Even if she did, how can she do more harm to Sam's character or reputation than he's already (allegedly) done to himself. How many stories have we heard over the years and restraining orders read? It would seem his character has been quite damaged already, well before Lynne even met him.
I'm not a lawyer, but wouldn't;t this backlog of evidence point to him being the kind of guy who would drug Britney and take her phones away? The Spears' lawyers wouldn't have to prove he did those things, just that he was capable of it. Truthfully, either he drugged Britney or she drugged herself. Lynne says he did it, and if her lawyers can prove he's that kind of guy, then I don't see how Sam can argue his character was defamed or reputation damaged.
Curiously, I don't remember Sam ever suing any of those other people who said all those nasty things about him. Oh, wait, they don't have Spears money. Obviously, if you're poor, you can call Sam any name you want. Get some money, and he'll come after you. Oops, I think I insinuated he's a gold digger. He might sue me for defamation. Actually, I have no money. Never mind.
*Here's the saddest thing: that book turned Lynne Spears into Dina Lohan, a woman trying to make money off her daughter's downfall. Had that book never been written, this situation probably wouldn't exist. While she's sitting in court and Sam's lawyers are reading excerpts, I hope she feels guilty.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Pennies From Heaven
Three shows in and X-Factor has shown us one thing: Britney Spears was worth every penny. Clearly, no one knows whether the show will produce the kind of ratings that will make Fox and Simon Cowell happy. But if they don't, it ain't Britney's fault.
I don't know what kind of numbers the show would have to do to justify paying Britney upwards of $15M, but for pure entertainment value, the show could have paid her twice as much. In fact, her facial expressions alone are worth $15M.
If you've watched any of the first three episodes of the show, you know X-Factor has featured Britney prominently (she even got her own montage where she rejected contestant after contestant). They paid $15M or so, therefore, building the show around her makes sense. Thankfully, it's pad off. Britney has been, for me at least, the most enjoyable part of X-Factor. Not to take anything away from the actual talent (or Demi Lovato, Simon or L.A. Reid), but Britney makes that show. And she doesn't even have to say anything to do it.
Not even counting episode three where she sang happy birthday, she's given us a plethora of must see moments. From recoiling in horror during a terrible audition, to her open-mouthed laugh whenever a contestant says something particularly funny, she's shown that you don't need words to express how you feel about a performance. She's given us bored, excited, confused, surprised, OMG!, a couple "I'm not here for this," and I even think I saw some side-eye.
Maybe the show's ratings won't rebound enough to warrant bringing back Britney for $15M, but it'll be X-Factor's loss. Britney said she suffered panic attacks her first show, so imagine the kind of facial expressions we could have gotten if she was comfortable from day one.
Trust me, you could run the show on mute and not miss a thing.
I don't know what kind of numbers the show would have to do to justify paying Britney upwards of $15M, but for pure entertainment value, the show could have paid her twice as much. In fact, her facial expressions alone are worth $15M.
If you've watched any of the first three episodes of the show, you know X-Factor has featured Britney prominently (she even got her own montage where she rejected contestant after contestant). They paid $15M or so, therefore, building the show around her makes sense. Thankfully, it's pad off. Britney has been, for me at least, the most enjoyable part of X-Factor. Not to take anything away from the actual talent (or Demi Lovato, Simon or L.A. Reid), but Britney makes that show. And she doesn't even have to say anything to do it.
Not even counting episode three where she sang happy birthday, she's given us a plethora of must see moments. From recoiling in horror during a terrible audition, to her open-mouthed laugh whenever a contestant says something particularly funny, she's shown that you don't need words to express how you feel about a performance. She's given us bored, excited, confused, surprised, OMG!, a couple "I'm not here for this," and I even think I saw some side-eye.
Maybe the show's ratings won't rebound enough to warrant bringing back Britney for $15M, but it'll be X-Factor's loss. Britney said she suffered panic attacks her first show, so imagine the kind of facial expressions we could have gotten if she was comfortable from day one.
Trust me, you could run the show on mute and not miss a thing.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
32 Steps
There are 32 steps to your front porch. A dilapidated, run-down, piece of shit porch that I crossed every day to get to your door. Amazingly, the front door looked pristine. Then again, anything would compared to that god-awful porch. I think your dad kept it that way on purpose to make the rest of the house look better by comparison. "Hey, this porch looks like shit, but the house is beautiful."
I've turned that doorknob so many times the creak is burned into my brain. Actually, it sounded more like a creeeeeeeak, longer than your average creak. Yet, somehow, the door opened silently as if someone oiled the hinges every day. Maybe you did. You always were meticulous about that sort of thing. I can picture you with an oil can, standing on a chair so you can reach the top hinge, squiring just enough oil so the door doesn't make a sound when it's opened.
Today, I won't be walking the 32 steps to that hideous front porch, I won't be turning that creeeeeeaky doorknob, and I won't be hearing the silence as I push the door open. Oh, wait a minute, you can't hear silence. You only reminded me of that approximately a million times. "Every time I open that door all I hear is silence." "You can't hear silence, silly," you'd say. "If you could hear it, it wouldn't be silent."
As I remember you telling me not to be ridiculous, I brush some dirt off the stone and find a long blond hair almost floating on the granite surface. It's not yours obviously. You lost your hair months ago. Sadly, it takes pictures nowadays to remind me what you looked like with hair. It was blond, definitely, and long, too. Usually straight, and kind of boring, to be honest. No offense.
Holding the hair between my fingertips I twirl it around and realize it could belong to anyone - your mom, sister, a friend. There were a lot of blonds in your family. I remember your mom once coming home with dark hair, "you know, like that Kardashian girl." Thankfully that phase didn't last. You never changed, though, until you had no choice.
Standing in the, I don't know what you call it, a wig store I guess, you tried on so many different ones. No matter the color, style or length, you never looked like you. Eventually, you quit trying. You were bald. You had a nicely shaped head, so it worked for you. You asked me if I had a problem being with a bald woman; I said no way. "Hair is overrated."
You were born in a month with 31 days and you have 31 letters in your full name. That's how I remember the 32 steps. Leslie-Anne Christina Beckenbrauer. What a fucking mouthful. Born October 25, 1982, your mom said you came out halfway, then stopped. Which is funny, because you never did anything halfway. You had blue eyes and more hair than the last time I saw you. Unfortunately, for all the things you mastered, growing wasn't one of them. You peaked at 5'1 with boobs only slightly larger than mine. That boob job you claimed to want never happened, thank God. No one likes fake boobs.
Since this wasn't a crime scene, I let the hair fall from my fingers. The wind picked it up and carried it away. I didn't even watch it leave.
Now that I think about it, I didn't watch a lot of things. I mostly watched you. I even watched you sleep. Is that creepy? I figured if Edward could watch Bella sleep, why can't I watch you? Besides, in my defense you slept a lot. I watched your little chest rise and fall. Actually, putting it that way does make it sound creepy. Let me rephrase: I watched your grown up, legal chest rise and fall. Sometimes I'd get close enough to feel you breathe. I'd open my mouth so you'd breathe into me. I'd breathe myself into you.
All that life I breathed into you did no good. But I took some of yours and I'm keeping it. If that's selfish, sue me. You can't have it back. You don't need it where you are, anyway.
There are 32 steps to your front porch. I'll never forget that.
I've turned that doorknob so many times the creak is burned into my brain. Actually, it sounded more like a creeeeeeeak, longer than your average creak. Yet, somehow, the door opened silently as if someone oiled the hinges every day. Maybe you did. You always were meticulous about that sort of thing. I can picture you with an oil can, standing on a chair so you can reach the top hinge, squiring just enough oil so the door doesn't make a sound when it's opened.
Today, I won't be walking the 32 steps to that hideous front porch, I won't be turning that creeeeeeaky doorknob, and I won't be hearing the silence as I push the door open. Oh, wait a minute, you can't hear silence. You only reminded me of that approximately a million times. "Every time I open that door all I hear is silence." "You can't hear silence, silly," you'd say. "If you could hear it, it wouldn't be silent."
As I remember you telling me not to be ridiculous, I brush some dirt off the stone and find a long blond hair almost floating on the granite surface. It's not yours obviously. You lost your hair months ago. Sadly, it takes pictures nowadays to remind me what you looked like with hair. It was blond, definitely, and long, too. Usually straight, and kind of boring, to be honest. No offense.
Holding the hair between my fingertips I twirl it around and realize it could belong to anyone - your mom, sister, a friend. There were a lot of blonds in your family. I remember your mom once coming home with dark hair, "you know, like that Kardashian girl." Thankfully that phase didn't last. You never changed, though, until you had no choice.
Standing in the, I don't know what you call it, a wig store I guess, you tried on so many different ones. No matter the color, style or length, you never looked like you. Eventually, you quit trying. You were bald. You had a nicely shaped head, so it worked for you. You asked me if I had a problem being with a bald woman; I said no way. "Hair is overrated."
You were born in a month with 31 days and you have 31 letters in your full name. That's how I remember the 32 steps. Leslie-Anne Christina Beckenbrauer. What a fucking mouthful. Born October 25, 1982, your mom said you came out halfway, then stopped. Which is funny, because you never did anything halfway. You had blue eyes and more hair than the last time I saw you. Unfortunately, for all the things you mastered, growing wasn't one of them. You peaked at 5'1 with boobs only slightly larger than mine. That boob job you claimed to want never happened, thank God. No one likes fake boobs.
Since this wasn't a crime scene, I let the hair fall from my fingers. The wind picked it up and carried it away. I didn't even watch it leave.
Now that I think about it, I didn't watch a lot of things. I mostly watched you. I even watched you sleep. Is that creepy? I figured if Edward could watch Bella sleep, why can't I watch you? Besides, in my defense you slept a lot. I watched your little chest rise and fall. Actually, putting it that way does make it sound creepy. Let me rephrase: I watched your grown up, legal chest rise and fall. Sometimes I'd get close enough to feel you breathe. I'd open my mouth so you'd breathe into me. I'd breathe myself into you.
All that life I breathed into you did no good. But I took some of yours and I'm keeping it. If that's selfish, sue me. You can't have it back. You don't need it where you are, anyway.
There are 32 steps to your front porch. I'll never forget that.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Press Junkets and Boredom
With X-Factor debuting in two days, one would imagine this would be the most exciting time for Britney Spears fans. Sadly, I have bad news to report - it's not.
While Britney will do interviews with everyone and their grandmother (ET, Access Hollywood, E! News, Extra, etc.), the sad fact is they're all the same. She sits in a room (with Simon Cowell; apparently they're interview buddies), a reporter comes in, asks a bunch of generic questions, leaves, then the cycle repeats itself for a couple of hours.
Don't get me wrong, I love interviews. I'll love seeing Britney on Ellen and Jimmy Kimmell. But most of what we're going to get consists of Britney in a room answering the same questions: "What's it like working with Simon?' "What's it like working with Demi?" "How is the experience working on the show?" "Were you nervous?"
We've been down this road before - when Britney promoted Femme Fatale she did the same thing. The only difference was that back then some of the foreign reporters asked some odd questions that won't be asked this time, because there won't be foreign reporters (I don't think anyone in England/Japan/Italy/Russia cares much about the X-Factor USA). So, while those interviews may have been oddly compelling - though still generic - these interviews will be just generic.
It's unfortunate, because there are a million great questions you could ask. You just can't. Either her team won't allow them to be asked or Britney won't answer them. No one from ET or Access Hollywood is going to ask any controversial questions, as those would never get answered and, therefore, never make air (and when I use the term controversial I don't mean questions about her conservatorship).
By the time the tenth reporter asks her whether she found any stars during audition phase or how she got along with Simon, he or she won't get anything more than a sigh and a short response. "Honestly, the talent was good." "I, honestly, enjoyed, you know, working with Simon." Not very compelling.
Let's "shoot straight" - we want to know about panic attacks, walking off stage, going head-to-head with Christina, how she feels when people say she has no business judging talent, the awkward auditions (the guy giving her the flowers, then butchering Circus, and the former duet partner), and all the other juicy tidbits.
Ironically, Simon will tell us more about Britney than Britney will. If he did these press junkets alone, we'd probably get all sorts of scoops. Hell, just what he's told TMZ is more interesting than anything Britney will say this week or next.
Sadly, that's the nature of the beast. Keep everything shrouded in mystery until we no longer care. Britney's team is great at that. Of course, they've had a lot of practice.
While Britney will do interviews with everyone and their grandmother (ET, Access Hollywood, E! News, Extra, etc.), the sad fact is they're all the same. She sits in a room (with Simon Cowell; apparently they're interview buddies), a reporter comes in, asks a bunch of generic questions, leaves, then the cycle repeats itself for a couple of hours.
Don't get me wrong, I love interviews. I'll love seeing Britney on Ellen and Jimmy Kimmell. But most of what we're going to get consists of Britney in a room answering the same questions: "What's it like working with Simon?' "What's it like working with Demi?" "How is the experience working on the show?" "Were you nervous?"
We've been down this road before - when Britney promoted Femme Fatale she did the same thing. The only difference was that back then some of the foreign reporters asked some odd questions that won't be asked this time, because there won't be foreign reporters (I don't think anyone in England/Japan/Italy/Russia cares much about the X-Factor USA). So, while those interviews may have been oddly compelling - though still generic - these interviews will be just generic.
It's unfortunate, because there are a million great questions you could ask. You just can't. Either her team won't allow them to be asked or Britney won't answer them. No one from ET or Access Hollywood is going to ask any controversial questions, as those would never get answered and, therefore, never make air (and when I use the term controversial I don't mean questions about her conservatorship).
By the time the tenth reporter asks her whether she found any stars during audition phase or how she got along with Simon, he or she won't get anything more than a sigh and a short response. "Honestly, the talent was good." "I, honestly, enjoyed, you know, working with Simon." Not very compelling.
Let's "shoot straight" - we want to know about panic attacks, walking off stage, going head-to-head with Christina, how she feels when people say she has no business judging talent, the awkward auditions (the guy giving her the flowers, then butchering Circus, and the former duet partner), and all the other juicy tidbits.
Ironically, Simon will tell us more about Britney than Britney will. If he did these press junkets alone, we'd probably get all sorts of scoops. Hell, just what he's told TMZ is more interesting than anything Britney will say this week or next.
Sadly, that's the nature of the beast. Keep everything shrouded in mystery until we no longer care. Britney's team is great at that. Of course, they've had a lot of practice.
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