For some ungodly reason, the TV show Big Brother has decided to start a live Internet feed. That means you can sit on your couch and watch people sitting on their couch. It's pretty meta. It's also pretty fucking stupid.
Of course, watching people 24 hours a day, racism and bigotry is bound to show up. Because when we don't like somebody, the easiest thing to do is to attack their race. Hate an Asian person - make fun of their driving. Hate a black person - offer them fried chicken and watermelon. Hate a gay person - call them a queen (or queer or faggot).
Seriously, is there nothing better to do than watch people behaving like morons? I can think of 50 things better to do. Here's a list:
1. Mow your lawn
2. Mow your neighbors lawn
3. Repaint your house
4. Put on an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash along the highway
5. Try on every item in your closet
6. Make borsch
7. Vacuum
8. Listen to every album Justin Bieber has ever released
9. Watch all 10 Friday the 13th movies in order
10. Donate a kidney
11. Alphabetize your soups
12. Download every single picture ever taken of Britney Spears
13. Watch every season of the Jersey Shore
14. Take apart your computer and put it back together
15. Cry
16. Dance the Macarena
17. Do the electric slide
18. Read the Bible from cover to cover
19. Learn Finnish
20. Bike ride to the northern most point in Canada
21. Light yourself on fire
22. Write a poem in iambic pentameter to Miley Cyrus
23. Twerk
24. Climb on the roof of your house and just stand there
25. Vomit
26. Liquify a cookie
27. Memorize the phone book
28. Play freeze tag, stay frozen
29. Watch the VHS tape of your parents' wedding
30. Play a round of golf with your eyes closed
31. Teach your goldfish yoga
32. Follow every single person on Twitter. Literally, every person
33. Build a time machine
34. Listen to your wife tell you about someone she doesn't like at work
35. Work Bitch
36. Sell your VCR on ebay
37. Read the Collected Works of William Shakesspeare
38. Buy a pair of yoga pants in every color
39. Create a program similar to Facebook (but not so similar that you'll get sued)
40.Sleep
41. Shoot a sex video that has no sex in it
42. Buy one scratch ticket for every day you thought about strangling someone
43. Shoot a rhino
44. Get breast implants, then have them removed the next day
45. Fall down
46. Get up
47. Cook every meal in your cookbook in one day
48. Knock on people's doors and offer to iron their shirts
49. Take up smoking
50. Swim from Cuba to Florida
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
What It Feels Like For a Britney Fan
I remember watching the movie "Wreck-it-Ralph" on April 15 when my phone sent me an alert from the ESPN app Scorecenter that read: "Two bombs go off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon." I kept watching the movie, but I quickly turned on my computer to see what the hell happened. Sure enough, two bombs did go off at the Boston Marathon finish line killing three people and wounding 200 more (many severely).
I spent that entire week addicted to the news. First came the reports of what happened, then came the call for help in identifying the suspects. Next, police tracked down the suspects and even managed to kill one. By that Friday, authorities has shut down the entire City of Boston, along with many neighboring communities. Eventually, police apprehended the second suspect.
I know what you're thinking: how could this have ANYthing to do with Britney Spears. It's simple: when your town gets bombed, you get upset. You feel remorse for the victims and anger at the people who did it. And those feelings are genuine.
Now, here's where Britney comes in. When she didn't perform this morning on Good Morning America, many people flipped out. They swore they were done with her, said they hoped her song didn't get to #1, and claimed that she didn't deserve any success. Keep in mind these are the same people who vote for her in every poll 100s and 100s of times. These people routinely buy her songs for not only themselves, but anyone else, just to ensure a #1. These people are crazy obsessed.
Yet, when their expectations aren't met (even if those expectations are unrealistic), they drum up all sorts of anger toward Britney. That's not realistic or healthy. It's one thing to get angry at two men for killing innocent people, but it's another to get angry at a woman because she didn't perform her latest single on TV.
It's fantastic that Britney has such devoted fans, but remember to keep things in perspective. There are legitimate reasons to feel angry. However, it's foolish to be angry with someone whose biggest crime is not doing something she never said she would do in the first place.
Imagine if you got a call from your mom around dinner time asking you to come home. She didn't say it, but you assumed based on the timing of the call that dinner would be ready. When you get home, there's no dinner. Should you be mad at your mom for not having dinner ready? Doesn't that seem foolish since she never mentioned dinner?
There are so many things to be mad about in this world: murder, rape, bombing other countries, war, social injustice, and racism just to name a scant few. But trust me, Britney Spears not performing on GMA is hardly something to be bothered about. Direct your anger toward something that really deserves it.
I spent that entire week addicted to the news. First came the reports of what happened, then came the call for help in identifying the suspects. Next, police tracked down the suspects and even managed to kill one. By that Friday, authorities has shut down the entire City of Boston, along with many neighboring communities. Eventually, police apprehended the second suspect.
I know what you're thinking: how could this have ANYthing to do with Britney Spears. It's simple: when your town gets bombed, you get upset. You feel remorse for the victims and anger at the people who did it. And those feelings are genuine.
Now, here's where Britney comes in. When she didn't perform this morning on Good Morning America, many people flipped out. They swore they were done with her, said they hoped her song didn't get to #1, and claimed that she didn't deserve any success. Keep in mind these are the same people who vote for her in every poll 100s and 100s of times. These people routinely buy her songs for not only themselves, but anyone else, just to ensure a #1. These people are crazy obsessed.
Yet, when their expectations aren't met (even if those expectations are unrealistic), they drum up all sorts of anger toward Britney. That's not realistic or healthy. It's one thing to get angry at two men for killing innocent people, but it's another to get angry at a woman because she didn't perform her latest single on TV.
It's fantastic that Britney has such devoted fans, but remember to keep things in perspective. There are legitimate reasons to feel angry. However, it's foolish to be angry with someone whose biggest crime is not doing something she never said she would do in the first place.
Imagine if you got a call from your mom around dinner time asking you to come home. She didn't say it, but you assumed based on the timing of the call that dinner would be ready. When you get home, there's no dinner. Should you be mad at your mom for not having dinner ready? Doesn't that seem foolish since she never mentioned dinner?
There are so many things to be mad about in this world: murder, rape, bombing other countries, war, social injustice, and racism just to name a scant few. But trust me, Britney Spears not performing on GMA is hardly something to be bothered about. Direct your anger toward something that really deserves it.
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