Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Big Brother Proves the Internet Has Flaws

For some ungodly reason, the TV show Big Brother has decided to start a live Internet feed. That means you can sit on your couch and watch people sitting on their couch. It's pretty meta. It's also pretty fucking stupid.
Of course, watching people 24 hours a day, racism and bigotry is bound to show up. Because when we don't like somebody, the easiest thing to do is to attack their race. Hate an Asian person - make fun of their driving. Hate a black person - offer them fried chicken and watermelon. Hate a gay person - call them a queen (or queer or faggot).
Seriously, is there nothing better to do than watch people behaving like morons? I can think of 50 things better to do. Here's a list:
1. Mow your lawn
2. Mow your neighbors lawn
3. Repaint your house
4. Put on an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash along the highway
5. Try on every item in your closet
6. Make borsch
7. Vacuum
8. Listen to every album Justin Bieber has ever released
9. Watch all 10 Friday the 13th movies in order
10. Donate a kidney
11. Alphabetize your soups
12. Download every single picture ever taken of Britney Spears
13. Watch every season of the Jersey Shore
14. Take apart your computer and put it back together
15. Cry
16. Dance the Macarena
17. Do the electric slide
18. Read the Bible from cover to cover
19. Learn Finnish
20. Bike ride to the northern most point in Canada
21. Light yourself on fire
22. Write a poem in iambic pentameter to Miley Cyrus
23. Twerk
24. Climb on the roof of your house and just stand there
25. Vomit
26. Liquify a cookie
27. Memorize the phone book
28. Play freeze tag, stay frozen
29. Watch the VHS tape of your parents' wedding
30. Play a round of golf with your eyes closed
31. Teach your goldfish yoga
32. Follow every single person on Twitter. Literally, every person
33. Build a time machine
34. Listen to your wife tell you about someone she doesn't like at work
35. Work Bitch
36. Sell your VCR on ebay
37. Read the Collected Works of William Shakesspeare
38. Buy a pair of yoga pants in every color
39. Create a program similar to Facebook (but not so similar that you'll get sued)
40.Sleep
41. Shoot a sex video that has no sex in it
42. Buy one scratch ticket for every day you thought about strangling someone
43. Shoot a rhino
44. Get breast implants, then have them removed the next day
45. Fall down
46. Get up
47. Cook every meal in your cookbook in one day
48. Knock on people's doors and offer to iron their shirts
49. Take up smoking
50. Swim from Cuba to Florida

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