Take Out Your Freak, People!

Pardon the cliche, but "Oops! . . . She Did It Again."
The "it" refers to making another talked about video. "I Wanna Go" is the perfect summertime video for a nation of people who can't be bothered to think about deep things when we have so much tanning to do.
Clearly, the director, Chris Mars Piliero (who directed the awesome "Blow" video by Ke$ha) knows his Britstory. Anyone who throws up a reference to Crossroads knows his stuff.
The video starts off auspiciously enough with The Queen (not Rolling Stone's queen, mind you) clicking her way toward a podium in her sexiest Louboutins (every girl's go to shoe, apparently). At this point, Britney is inundated with off the wall questions, such as whether or not she's having Brad Pitt's baby (she's not, by the way, it's quintuplets (another nod, by the way, to Britstory, as she's revealed in the past as having a crush on Brad Pitt)), whether she's banned everything from her Femme Fatale tour (she did) and whether or not she hates puppies (a question she dodges, which makes me wonder, "Do you hate puppies, Britney?" Fess up).
Finally, The Queen Bee has had enough, drops a few f-bombs on the media (wouldn't she like to do THAT in real life) and declares she's out. I would be remiss if I didn't point out Britney's half-shirt with a picture of half a head and giant mouse ears, not at all unlike Mickey Mouse's ears (you know, from when she was a mouseketeer). Of course, there's a two percent chance that's also a reference to Deadmau5 a DJ/remixer who got flack from Britney fans a while back and who's symbol is the head with giant Mickey Mouse ears. Probably not, but with so many other references you never know.
Once Britney walks out on the press conference, she's magically made a costume change: gone is the half-shirt and Louboutins to be replaced with a skirt and boots she totally jacked from Avril Lavigne. Seriously, Avril should sue for gimmick infringement.
The minute she hits the street she's besieged by an eager fan looking for an autograph. Never one to disappoint her fans, Britney whips out a pen from between her breasts (magical boobs indeed), signs the eager young man's Femme Fatale CD, then proceeds to grab his ass. Why? She's Britney, bitch! Actually, in this video she's just being inappropriate because she knows "everybody's thinking it when the lights out." Damn straight, Britney.
Another inappropriate moment occurs when she gets the bright idea to flash a cop (and a red-headed kid and his father). Oops, she did it again (last cliche, I swear). The cop seems less than amused, forcing Britney to "spread 'em" so he can pat her down (perv!). Exactly what was he expecting to find (on second thought, she DID pull a marker out of her cleavage)?
Thankfully, our Queen is resourceful and manages to wrap her arms and legs around the officer, thereby weakening his defenses. She even manages to steal his handcuffs after the seduction (as Britney walks away we see the cop buttoning up his uniform; if only Lindsay Lohan were that resourceful she might never have spent time in jail)
Unfortunately, the happy times don't last, as Brit is met by a paparazzi looking for a few good shots. Britney, again being the people pleaser that she is, stops and POSES like she's on a runway. Take note, Heidi Klum.  Of course, Britney's not all sugar and spice and everything nice, because she rips the camera out of the guy's hands and smashes it on the sidewalk (again, I have to point out the potential Britstory, as back in 2008 Britney would constantly be seen conversing with the paparazzi all friendly, then yelling at them all angry. If that was a nod to the past bi-polar Britney, well done, sir).
As unluck would have it, Britney finds herself surrounded by camera-wielding paparazzi. What's a girl to do? Jump on the roof of a cab, unleash your microphone, and start swinging, of course. Irony here is that Brit a) hardly ever uses a microphone, preferring the hands-free headset and b) no one uses a microphone with a cord any more.
The pop star proves a warrior, as she takes out each slimeball photog. But before she can celebrate, the paparazzi recover and reveal themselves to be cyborgs sent from the future to destroy the leader of the resistance . . . wait, wrong reference. However, they do reveal themselves to be cyborg photogs sent to destroy Britney (again, I must point out the Britstory, as South Park ran a Britney episode where the townsfolk used their cameras to snap pictures of Britney, thus killing her. Another kudos if the cyborgs were a reference to that).
Before all hope is lost some dude shows up and offers Britney a ride. Apparently, he's from the show Weeds, though all we see him carry is a carton of milk. In the one scene that baffles me, after Britney jumps in his ride (because he looks like a trustworthy fellow), our hero pulls out the milk and begins to pour it on himself. Britney's reaction is . . . arousal? I guess it pays to drink milk around Britney (it DOES do a body good and I can imagine Britney has drunken her fair share).
As they ride off into the sunset (or the green screen) our hero begins to spark (and it has nothing to do with the chemistry between himself and Britney). It turns out he's some kind of cyborg, as well. Uh-oh! Thankfully, we find out it was all a dream (just like when Patrick Duffy died on Dallas).
Perhaps the best part is the very end, when our hero shows up again, in human form, to take Britney away from the inquisitive media, but not before turning toward the camera with glowing eyes while laughter is heard. A total homage to "Thriller." Unfortunately, the laughter didn't come from Vincent Price, so that knocks it down slightly.
All in all, this is a video that is sure to receive some VMA nominations. Personally, I think "Hold it Against Me" is Britney's best video this year, but I would not be upset if "I Wanna Go" won some awards.

I Wanna Go (To the Grocery Store)

Lately I've been stuck imaging
What I want to eat and what I really need
Time to go out
Buy some apples maybe peaches, too
Grab a pizza cause it's onsale, new
Hold the onions, now


Shame on me
To need some cheese
Oops, I have to sneeze

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the gra-a-apes
They got in this store tonight

Wo-oh-oh

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the gra-a-apes
They got in this store tonight

Today the deli line is all tied up
There's a countdown but my number is not up
Gonna blow out
Time for me to go and grab a drink
I'll open it before I pay for it
In the aisle now


Shame on me
No more turkey, geez
Pass the tissues, please

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the bre-e-ead
They got in this store tonight

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the bre-e-ead
They got in this store tonight

Wo-oh-oh
Shame on me (shame on me)
To steal your cheese (to steal your cheese)
I knocked you on your knees (your knees, your knees, your knees)

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the gra-a-apes
They got in this store tonight

I-I-I Wanna Go-o-o all the way-ay-ay
To the grocery store tonight
I-I-I- Wanna Buy-uy-uy all the fru-u-uit
They got in this store tonight
Wo-oh-oh

He About to Lose Her

I'm touching hands with someone seriously beautiful
She's got a ring on and I feel she's getting far too close
I'm hearing lies as she tells me that she don't got a man
She strokes my hair and says that she will be my biggest fan

But she's got someone waiting at home
He says he in love but lately she just don't know
He don't see her or make her feel hot
Banging in the club with all her ladies and he don't know that

He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her
He about to lose her
He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her
He about to lose her

I feel her body getting warmer as I grab her waist
She can tell I'm turned on as she stares me in the face
She must be soaking wet; I can smell her a mile away
When she makes her move I know exactly what to say

But she's got someone waiting at home

He says he in love but lately she just don't know

He don't see her or make her feel hot

Banging in the club with all her ladies and he don't know that

He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her

He about to lose her

He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her

He about to lose her

Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing
He stares as I touch her hair, he knows I could take it there
Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing
She gotta, she gotta go
He don't know that

He says he in love but lately she just don't know

He don't see her or make her feel hot

Banging in the club with all her ladies and he don't know that

He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her

He about to lose her

He about to lose, about to lose, about to lose her

He about to lose her

I'm making love with someone seriously beautiful

The Gay Blog

I'm "obsessed" with Britney Spears, I'm going to see Katy Perry in concert, I'm listening to "Like the Wind" from a movie I've seen 20 times right as I type this, I own "Crossroads," "The Notebook" and "Hairspray," and I've seen "Twilight" so many times I can practically recite the movie line for line.  Does that make me gay?  What does it mean to be gay?
I've never kissed a guy nor do I have any interest in doing so.  But do my choices in music and movies make me gay?
I don't FEEL gay.  I just happen to like what I like.  I also like traditionally straight male things like wrestling, sports, rock music (I'm listening to Seether as I type this), girls, etc.  It just so happens I listen to Britney Spears and can name more than five brands of women's shoes.
I guess the question is what makes someone gay.  If you liked the same-sex but hated Lady Gaga or liked Lady Gaga but not the same-sex, is one "gayer" than the other or one not gay at all?

Don't Call Me a Diva . . .

. . . Or why it sucks to be a female professional wrestler in 2011.
There's no denying the heyday of wrestling has gone by the wayside. In fact, some companies who shall remain nameless even refuse to call what they do wrestling. It's sports entertainment. Which leads one to surmise that those who practice such a thing are called sports entertainers (when, in reality, they're called "superstars," even though many aren't very super).
There is really only one kind of superstar, but there are two kinds of wrestlers: only men can be superstars in the WWE, because the women are Divas. In TNA (or Impact Wrestling as it is now known), the women are wrestlers, but they're called Knockouts. Confusing?
In WWE, the women (Divas) wrestle for the Divas Championship, while in Impact Wrestling, the women (Knockouts) wrestle for the Knockouts Championship (unless you're ODB, then it's the Knocked Up Championship). That seems simple, until you factor in the past where the WWE Divas wrestled for the Women's Championship. Apparently that title was removed because you can't have women wrestling over a women's championship. In WWE, Divas fight over a Divas Title.
To recap: Impact Wrestling Knockouts (formerly TNA Knockouts) wrestle for the Knockouts Championship; WWE Divas fight/compete/anything but wrestle for the Divas Championship. In terms of simplicity, Knockouts clearly defeat Divas (plus, the Divas Title looks like it should accompany Barbie in her dream house).
The problem is that it doesn't really pay to be either. Both companies technically have matches featuring women, but if the ladies got paid by the minute they'd have to look for other work (heck, if they got paid by the second, they'd need a second job).
To Impact's credit, it usually features the Knockouts over many segments over the course of the two hours. WWE Divas 99 percent of the time are all lumped into one five-minute segment (which usually lasts less than five minutes). In fact, many of the Divas are relegated to WWE's Internet shows like NXT and Superstars.
So, even though Impact is a more female-heavy show, neither company knows what to do with its ladies. For instance, Gail Kim left WWE to work for Impact (then TNA), had great matches with Awesome Kong (now Kharma in WWE), basically positioned herself as one of the best female workers in America, came back to WWE, and is currently persona-non-grata.
On the other side, many of Impact's Knockouts constantly leave and come back. Roxxi has made more returns than bad Christmas gifts. Traci Brooks seemingly returned not long ago to side with her real life husband Kazarian, but hasn't been seen since. ODB, another recent returnee, is currently feuding with Velvet Sky, but as history has shown, she'll be out the door again soon.
Sadly, most of the women just mentioned are extremely talented and deserve better. Unfortunately, they're five years too late. In Oct. 2006, Trish Stratus retired from WWE basically ending women's wrestling as we know it in the US. Any mention of Divas or Knockouts should be referenced with BTR and ATR (Before Trish Retired and After Trish Retired).
It's sad to see such talent wasted. But to make a decent living, Impact and WWE are really the only options (unless one wants to live in Japan). It would be wise to question why someone busts their ass to learn the craft when all they'll get is two minutes to display it.
Women like Eve, Layla, Velvet, Maryse, and others all trained hard and put in the effort to become competent in the ring. Unfortunately, other than maybe one or two PPV matches per year, none of them are given the chance to shine.
Trish came from nothing, worked her ass off, and was given the opportunity to become a legend. None of these women today have that same chance.
In other words: Free the Women! Let Them Wrestle!