Keep Watching Me

It's always good to look forward. Sure, looking back doesn't necessarily hurt, as long as you don't live in the past. Britney Spears always seems to be looking forward.
As fans, we need to do the same. It's wonderful to remember the great performances, moments, videos, songs, etc., but if you stop moving forward you become complacent. There's nothing worse than dwelling on the past and wanting things to be "like they were."
I read all the time about how Britney's not as good as she used to be. Well, who is? Is 35-year old Kobe Bryant as good as 30-year old Kobe Bryant? Of course not. Is 50-year old Madonna as good as 30-year old Madonna? No way.
Sure, Britney's smarter now, more aware, and better prepared to handle everything, but she can't do the same things she could 10 years ago. There's no doubt she gives the same effort - just unfortunate that she can't necessarily keep up with herself.
Britney has set the bar so high by giving so many memorable performances that unless she recaptures those moments people are unsatisfied. It's like just making the playoffs isn't good enough once you've won the Super Bowl or World Series.
People make excuses for Britney, for themselves, so they can comprehend why she isn't as good. They say it's due to having two kids, going through a tough divorce, not caring as much, etc (for the record: Britney has never made any excuses). Here is the truth: she's not always going to win the Super Bowl. The Pittsburgh Steelers are a great team, but they don't win the Super Bowl every year. The Yankees, as great as they are, lose sometimes. It's just a fact of life.
I want people to appreciate Britney for what she's doing now, not be disappointed for what she can't do. Sometimes just making the playoffs constitutes a successful season.

Inside Out Remix

If there's one song on Britney Spears' Femme Fatale that deserves a remix, it's Inside Out. And I don't mean a dance remix; rather, a rap remix. If I could rap, I would do this :

Said you're gonna be here in a minute
Sitting in the mirror, getting pretty
Gotta look my best if we gonna break up
Gotta look my best if we gonna break up
I can hear you knocking at the front door
And I know exactly what you came for
Trying to say goodbye but it's hot and heavy
Trying to say goodbye but it's hot and heavy

You...
Touch me and its breaking me down, and me down, and me down, and me down
I'm telling you, let's just give it up and get down, and get down, and get down

So come on,
Won't you give me something to remember?
Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out
Even though we couldn't last forever
Baby, you know what I want right now

Hit me one more time, it's so amazing
How you shook my world and flipped it upside down
You're the only one who ever drove me crazy
Cause you know me inside out
Inside out

I know that we probably shouldn't do this
Wake up in the morning feeling stupid
Said that we were done but you're all up on me
Said that we were done but you're all up on me
Tell me how we got in this position
Guess I gotta get you out my system
Trying to let you go but it's not that easy
Trying to let you go but it's not that easy

You...
Touch me and its breaking me down, and me down, and me down, and me down
I'm telling you, let's just give it up and get down, and get down, and get down

So come on,
Won't you give me something to remember?
Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out
Even though we couldn't last forever
Baby, you know what I want right now
Hit me one more time, it's so amazing
How you shook my world and flipped it upside down
You're the only one who ever drove me crazy
Cause you know me inside out
Inside out

Inside out


(remix)


Yeah, I know you inside out


We came here to break up
So how could we make-up
Smearing all up your make-up
When we made out
Telling me to get out
Said you can't do this
Lookin like you wanna do this
But I'm a gentleman
Leave if you want to
You pull me back in
Say baby please don't go


I was never gonna leave
Cause you got the magic touch
Feelin some kind of rush
When I hear you say (say, say, say):
So come on,
Won't you give me something to remember?
Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out
Even though we couldn't last forever
Baby, you know what I want right now
Hit me one more time, it's so amazing
How you shook my world and flipped it upside down
You're the only one who ever drove me crazy
Cause you know me inside out 

Homeless Guy

He is a poor man, he's dead broke you know
He's is a loser, he's a bum, bum, bum, bum
He robs, he steals, he's unreliable
He got tossed aside by his mum, mum, mum, mum
I know you told me not to fall for him
I know you said he's just a jerk named Jim
He is a broke ass with no sense of style
But for him I'd walk a mile

Cause mama I'm in love with a homeless guy
Please don't ask me cause I can't tell you why
Mama please don't frown, I won't let you down
I must be really dumb cause this guy's a bum, a giant bum

He kinda smells, he ain't got no soap
His hair is greasy, oil runs, runs, runs, runs
His clothes don't match, they're unfashionable
He wears Ed hardy, he wears tons, tons, tons, tons
All I feel, can't be real, oh no
Cause he's an asshole with no change to spare
Nor a comb to brush his hair

But mama I'm in love with a homeless guy

Please don't ask me cause I can't tell you why

Mama please don't frown, I won't let you down

I must be really dumb cause this guy's a bum, a giant bum

And he's got my name

Tattooed on his back

Must be a quack

It's kinda weird

We just met

And I hear him talk

Trying to win a fight

With himself

Oh my God

He's psycho

But mama I'm in love with a homeless guy

Please don't ask me cause I can't tell you why

Mama please don't frown, I won't let you down

I must be really dumb cause this guy's a bum, a giant bum

But mama I'm in love with a homeless guy

Please don't ask me cause I can't tell you why

Mama please don't frown, I won't let you down

I must be really dumb cause this guy's a bum, a giant bum

Skinny Barbies and Fat Barbies

Watching last week's Raw and Smackdown I can't help but wonder why exactly Kelly Kelly is feuding with Beth Phoenix and Natalya. Sure, on TV and on Twitter, all three ladies have pushed the idea that Beth and Natalya are real women and not skinny barbies. Problem is, other than weight, there's little difference between the three.
Clearly, all three are blond and beautiful. Strangely, both Beth and Natalya, when not wrestling, dress very similar to Kelly (dresses, expensive shoes). The girls even wear bright colored lipstick. I'm not quite sure how they can claim to be so different from Kelly when they're clearly told to be the same.
WWE won't allow their women to be different outside of hair color. That makes feuds like this utterly ridiculous. In fact, you can boil this feud down to Skinny Barbie vs. Fat Barbie. That's basically what Michael Cole said on commentary last Friday when he called Beth and Natalya "full-figured women," which as any man knows is code for fat chicks.
Perhaps if Beth and Natalya weren't instructed to dress and look like Kelly this feud would make sense. Instead, it's three hot chicks fighting over whether it's better to be fat or skinny. Ironically, last time they did this fat vs. skinny feud, the face was the "fat" one (Mickie James). Now, the "fat" chicks are the heels. Either way, it's all about looks with WWE.
It's quite sad.

For the record I don't think Beth, Natalya or Mickie are/were fat. WWE wants you to think so.

What is a Britney Spears Fan?

You may be tempted to think Britney fans are human. They are not. They're robots programmed to function a certain way. And like all robots, there have been flaws along the way. Most models get updated every year, but there are some older models still floating around.
There are roughly 10 or so different types of fan, such as:
Voting Bots
Stan Bots
Arguing Bots
Buying Bots
Promoting Bots
Artistic Bots
Singing Bots
Dancing Bots
Crazy Bots
Obsessive Bots
As I said, each bot receives an upgrade yearly, though flaws pop up now and then. Voting Bots were programmed to vote for Britney in any and all situations, i.e. they'll vote for her video on VH1 and they'll vote for her to win a poll. Voting Bots were also equipped with the ability to make threads in forums asking others to vote as well.
Stan Bots were programmed to defend Britney in every and all situations. If a Gaga fan says something bad about Britney, a Stan Bot will immediately respond with one of a couple programmed phrases: "Godney!" "Your fav could never," "Britney slays your favs," and the reciting of statistics like albums sold. Unfortunately, do to all the energy to run, the Stan Bot breaks down quite frequently and often needs replacing. Newer Stan Bots come equipped with the ignore function allowing them to ignore any and all facts about Britney that don't promote her awesomeness.
Arguing Bots were programmed to start fights with other fans and get under their skin. These bots will routinely and randomly post topics that have nothing to do with anything other than starting a Britney war. They come equipped with such phrases as "Britney > Gaga," "Irrelevantina," and "Britney invented . . ." The major flaw with the Arguing Bot is how they can sometimes, in trying to argue for Britney, use stats that make her look bad. Newer models now have an off switch, though locating it is nearly impossible.
Buying Bots simply exist to buy everything Britney makes, whether it be music, movies, clothes or fragrances. A small defect occurs when the Buying Bot overbuys causing it to crash.
Promoting Bots are similar to Buying Bots, except they encourage other people to do the buying. These bots also promote Britney's appearances and concert dates. A popular feature with these bots is the "Download [insert product here] week" where they will encourage people to download a certain item, like Britney's Blackout, for an entire week. A major flaw that has yet to be corrected is shutting them up. They also tend to get hung up on certain items, asking you to buy something regardless of how old it is (such as Blackout).
Artistic Bots were designed to create blends, backgrounds, wallpapers and graphics. One problem is that these bots don't know what's good and what's bad.
Singing and Dancing Bots were designed to sing and dance. They post videos of themselves singing and dancing, talk about how they love to sing and dance, and encourage others to sing and dance. These bots are routinely upgraded with better singing and dancing skills; however, older bots with poor singing and dancing skills still exist. Beware.
Crazy Bots seem normal. They talk about Britney and love Britney like anyone else. However, Crazy Bots tend to overuse emoticons and exclamation points and words ending in -ney. These bots are programmed with phrases like "Assney," "Blondney," Danceney," "Liveney," and "Sexney."
Obsessive Bots are, quite simply, the worst. They talk only about Britney. They believe everything they hear. They bitch when things don't go the way they want. They own every piece of Britney merchandise available. These bots spout off opinions as fact. Example: "Britney's team is so stupid. Unusual You would have been a huge hit." Obsessive Bots love to tell you how it is. Example: "Free Britney. This conservatorship is bullshit." Avoid Obsessive Bots at all times. They are dangerous. A flaw occurs when you try to reason with the Obsessive Bot, because it will become a combination Stan Bot and Arguing Bot. It will spout phrases that make no sense like "Britney owns your life," "Britney owns your soul," and "jealous hater."
If you encounter a bot, please turn around and walk in the other direction. Don't make any sudden movements or that may cause them to activate.