Replacing J. Lo

It seems clear J. Lo isn't returning for a third season of Idol (Update: it's now all but certain after her interview with the Today Show). That means it's time to find a replacement. But, how does one replace J. Lo?
Jenny from the block, so to speak, brought many things to the judges table: confidence, star power, knowledge, and, you know, plain and simple gorgeousness. That means her heir has to bring at least some of that. Who, then, would be a good candidate for the seat (it has to be a woman, obviously). Here are some choices (excluding Christina, Britney and Demi because, duh, they already have jobs judging talent):
Miley Cyrus - If Demi is deemed worthy of judging singing talent, then Miley should fit right in. She has all the traits J. Lo has, plus youth. Of course, people will chastise her for not being a very good singer, but J. Lo wasn't known for her voice and she did all right.
Gwen Stefani - Another person who has all the traits that J. Lo has. She gets bonus points for being known as a singer and not a dancer (she did front a rock/ska/pop band, remember).
Mary J. Blige - She's the queen of hip-hop/soul. She's been a guest mentor a few times. We know she can sing. She even guest judged a few years ago during a couple audition stops. Beside, Idol hasn't had a judge with soul before.
Alicia Keys - Can sing? Yes. Play the piano? Yes. Huge superstar? Yes. Hit songs? Yes. Gorgeous? Yes. What else do you need. Plus, she's from "the block," too.
Kelly Clarkson - I think we have a winner. Perhaps she's not as gorgeous as J. Lo, but she'd bring a huge voice to the judges tables. I mean she did win some little singing show a few years back. I think she could discern a good singer from a bad one. Plus, who's not going to listen to the person who WON THE VERY FIRST SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL. Seriously.
Kelly for President, err, Idol judge.
(Update: it appears Steven Tyler is leaving, too.)
A lot of upheaval at Idol. With J. Lo and Steven most likely out, the show needs replacements. One of the five girls above would be a perfect replacement for J. Lo (coughKellyClarksoncough). But what about Steven?
Clearly Idol wants one crazy judge. Scratch that, all shows want one crazy judge. Howard Stern on America's Got Talent, Cee-Lo Green on The Voice and now Britney Spears on X-Factor all do and say things that make you go, "Excuse me!" Well, out of the five female judges listed only Miley Cyrus is anywhere near crazy, and her crazy involves the way she dresses. I don't think that's enough for Idol.
Therefore, Idol needs a male judge who's crazy, over-the-top and maybe a bit psychotic. Let's see who we can dig up:
Alice Cooper - He was one of the original "shock rockers" back in the 70s.  While he may not say absurd things like Steven, a guy who wears more makeup than Lady Gaga (and weirder outfits) is definitely high up on the crazy scale.
Ozzy Osbourne - He bit the head off a bat and you can barely understand a word he says. If that's not at least a 9 on the crazy scale, we need a new scale.
Any member of Slipknot - They wear masks, look like sociopaths and scream a lot. That's crazy and scary.
Any member of Gwar - See above, only these guys are even more crazy and even more scary.
Justin Bieber - On the surface, this seems like a weird choice. He doesn't seem crazy at all. However, look closer. He dresses like a 20-year old lesbian half the time and like a kid stuck in the mid-90s the other half (even though he's dating one of the best dressed people alive). He's Canadian, so he eats strange food and probably started drinking by age 13. He probably loves hockey and curling. Finally, the guy attacks glass, drives 100 mph and rips women who pretend he got them pregnant. Yeah, he's definitely crazy.