Leave Britney Alone

Britney Spears was the first superstar of the Internet age. She grew up as the Internet did.
In the beginning there wasn't much: e-mail, the world wide web, basically the Internet was a place to look at porn and download pictures of women. Eventually, websites popped up with forums for discussion. Then came Myspace, Facebook, Youtube, Google, etc. The Internet kept getting bigger and bigger. Just like Britney.
Her career started in the late 90s, about that time when more and more people were online. As we moved into the 2000s, her career took off. At that time, the Internet became faster and there was more to do. 100s of fan sites popped up where 1000s of people now had a voice to discuss all things Britney. Eventually, Myspace pages full of Britney pictures and songs were created, followed by Youtube videos of her fans (and detractors) offering their opinion on her music and life. Britney hasn't existed in the public eye without someone being able to offer an opinion on her that could be seen/read by millions of people instantly.
Imagine that, producing something that the whole world can comment on in a matter of minutes. That something includes, not just music and movies, but any normal, every day activity. Before the Internet, the only people commenting on the lives of celebrities were the media. And not to say the media is better, but at least the celebrity had a week before the magazine hit newsstands. Nowadays, a video of Britney sneezing is on the Internet and has 10,000 views by lunchtime (not to mention 1,000 comments about how she sneezes, whether she used a tissue, was there snot, etc.).
How many people stop and wonder if Britney had a breakdown in 2007 or just got fed up with being the center of attention? Perhaps she didn't want to be the show any more. There's a Seinfeld quote where George hates going on blind dates because he always has to be "on." Isn't it possible that Britney snapped because she didn't want to be "on" any more?
When Madonna was famous in the 80s and 90s, she never had to worry about her picture being the lead story on Yahoo, Perez, TMZ, etc. Sure, there were paparazzi and her picture could be in the magazines, but that would be days later, and only if something more interesting didn't knock her photo off the headlines. Today, sites need content and will put up anything involving a celebrity. Check out TMZ or X17 - both sites are filled with inane stories that only exist to take up space.
When Britney snapped and attacked the paparazzi's van with an umbrella, everyone assumed she had a nervous breakdown or suffered from a mental illness. Perhaps she just wanted to be left alone. In fact, if you watch the video, or most videos from 2007, Britney says repeatedly, "Please, leave me alone." Sadly, no one listened.
Britney didn't have a breakdown. Her wild antics weren't because she was psycho, bi-polar or mentally unstable. She was frustrated with being the world's entertainer. Think about it: she had been the most sought after person since she first donned the catholic skirt, nine years in the public eye from 1998 - 2007. Even when she took a "break" to have kids and get married, even when she announced it and told us to enjoy the other overexposed blondes as our entertainment, even when she stopped acting and dressing like a prototypical pop star, no one stopped taking her picture. The Internet demanded content, and no one drives up web hits like Britney.
Being famous nowadays is like checking into the Hotel California, i.e. you can check out, but you can never leave. Britney will be photographed and discussed until the day she dies. Her children have no chance at a normal life. It's almost a certainty they will wind up on TV someday. They've already conquered the Internet. We've seen Sean and Jayden in their diapers in their backyard, eating ice cream, playing in the sand, swimming in the pool, you name it.
At 30, Britney has been surrounded by paparazzi and people wanting a handout for almost half her life. South Park ran an, amazingly, pointed episode about her in 2008 when she made her "comeback" (which is an ironic term, since the Internet never allowed her to leave). She blew her own head off, but kept on performing. Yes, even with half a head, Britney has to be "on."
Maybe someday Britney can finally be "off." She won't have to be the "center of attention." Unfortunately, the Internet monster craves content. And Britney is just so damn good at entertaining us that, well . . .
It's a shame, because no one asks to have their whole life documented on film. Yet, we've got more than 10 solid years of Britney's existence stored in the archives. Want to know what Britney had for lunch in 2006? Don't even ask her, there's probably a video somewhere. And don't worry, she'll be "on." She always is.

Call Me, Britney

If Carly Rae Jepson wrote a song about meeting Britney Spears, it would go like this:
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a pen, would you sign this maybe . . . hug me maybe . . . take a picture maybe . . . stand there for five minutes and pretend to listen maybe . . . maybe.
Running into Britney must be awkward for almost all parties involved. There's you, not quite sure what to do; Britney, not quite sure what to do; and the bodyguard, quite sure what to do, and that's move you along.
I don't think Britney is a bad person for ignoring total strangers if she happens to be in a 1-on-1-on-1 situation. And I can't even feel bad for the person who gets ignored, because I've never heard an "I met Britney" story where the person even seemed slightly angry about getting ignored. Most IMB stories contain the same words/phrases: dead, died, OMG, amazing, couldn't speak, and fainted. They never contain the words: angry, mad, annoyed or pissed.
It seems like Britney fans don't care that she ignores them. They're just honored to be in her presence, like she's royalty. I guess to them she is. If you stood five feet from Kate Middleton and she didn't acknowledge you, would you be angry or would you tell everyone you stood five feet from the duchess? I suppose sometimes just being there is enough.
Of course, herein lies the debate of whether or not you can claim to have met someone if they never acknowledged your existence. I think a mutual acknowledgment is a big key to the meeting process. I stand next to people all the time: in line, on the subway, in an elevator. That doesn't mean we met.
Technically, these people saw Britney, stood near her, even experienced her, if you want to go that far. But a story that begins with "I saw Britney" isn't nearly as interesting as a story that begins with "I met Britney." If you saw Britney, then I don't care. If you met her, then tell me more.
But how do you turn an "I saw Britney" story into an "I met Britney" story? First, you'd have to avoid the bodyguard, which is next to impossible. Next, if you somehow climbed that mountain, you'd have to get Britney to acknowledge your existence. That, like avoiding the bodyguard, would be another tough task. It's not to say Britney is a jerk who doesn't care about her fans, but more saying that she's uncomfortable around people she doesn't know (or maybe she is a jerk. I've never met her).
Is there a way to make it work? Could someone actually meet Britney (naturally, not a meet and greet or by winning a contest) where you acknowledge her and she acknowledges you? Maybe it's happened. Maybe someone out there has actually had an honest to God meeting with Britney.
Most likely, they'll start the story with an "I met Britney," but end it with, "She didn't say anything, but it was amazing. I almost died."
So, I guess while never meeting Britney is no fun, having a near death experience is pretty cool . . . maybe.

Thanks

I want to take time to give thanks. It may not be Thanksgiving, but these people deserve to be shown love every day for their unending devotion to Britney Spears (and their hilariousness).
First, I have to pay respect to the one who never sleeps, Jazmin (aka PieceofBritney). I constantly see her tweeting at 9, 10, 11 at night, which would be fine, except I'm talking about 9 - 11 p.m. EST and she lives in the UK. So, this girl stays up till 3 a.m. to talk about Britney. That means one of three things: she's hugely devoted to Britney, she's a vampire or she's dating a vampire. All three options are quite possible, by the way. I've seen Twilight. And her site is top notch, so some thanks have to also go out to her partner-in-crime, Joanne.
Second, I have to show some love to (real name withheld on account of me not wanting to be killed) BRITannica. While she may not stay up all night like Jazmin, she's clearly uber-devoted. She even went to the middle of nowhere, Kansas City, MO, to see her judge hopeful X-Factor contestants. That's dedication. Plus, people kinda hated her in the beginning, but she never let them get to her. She's Britney-strong. Only drawback: she does NOT check her e-mails. True story: I sent her a Happy Thanksgiving e-mail back when us Americans celebrate the holiday. Did I ever get a reply? No. It's now June.
Lastly, and definitely leastly, is everyone's favorite old drunkard (real name withheld, again, so I don't get killed) PoorBritney. Here's a woman with a kid, husband, dogs, bunnies, cats, fish, etc., yet she still finds time to talk about Britney. She even holds down a job. Plus, she's old enough to be a grandmother, yet still carries the Britney torch. Oops, I meant, she's nowhere near old enough to be a grandmother. In fact, I'm surprised she has a child. She should be on teen mom. But her posts crack me up . . . and she flirts with me.
Three legends in the Britney-verse. I've got love for all.