Hot Chick Theory

Men are a simple people. For the most part, we believe what we see. That's why we're prone to believing that all attractive women can dance, because that's what we see on TV and in videos.
With Maria Menounos on Dancing With the Stars, I'm sure most men, if you asked, would predict her to win because she is the hottest cast member. Forget the fact that Kim Kardashian absolutely stunk on the show a few seasons ago, in the similar role of hottest cast member, because it's been burned into our brains that all hot chicks can dance.
Not just that, but the better looking you are, the better dancer you must be. Therefore, if the ladies of the View and the Talk all had a dance contest, Elizabeth Hasselbeck would narrowly edge out Aisha Tyler and Barbara Walters would probably finish dead last.
Of course, this theory is completely bogus. If you watch DWTS enough, you'll notice many of the more attractive models don't make it very far. Clearly, dancing is not a skill bestowed to all the gorgeous people. Yes, every one of the female pro dancers is gorgeous; however, just because all dancers are gorgeous does not mean all who are gorgeous can dance. It's a simple logical equation.
The problem is that men rarely use logic. Case in point: without even seeing anyone dance, my prediction is that Maria wins the competition. Why? She's hot.

The Making of: Lady Gaga

After seeing pictures of Lady Gaga from 2005, back when she was simply Stefani Germanotta, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of career Stefani could have had if she hadn't become Lady Gaga.
Firstly, she's shown talent in both singing and playing the piano. However, to be fair, many people can sing and play the piano. You just have to watch enough episodes of American Idol, The Voice or X-Factor to see that. Secondly, underneath the make-up and crazy attire, Stefani is quite beautiful. But, again, looking at all these singing competition shows, you can clearly see 100s of beautiful girls who can sing.
With that said, did she have to become Lady Gaga to become famous? Could Stefani have found some niche as a piano player/singer? There's plenty of somewhat successful singer/songwriters out there. Plus, she received a record deal before she became the somewhat crazy, maybe completely crazy person she is today.
Obviously, her label saw talent. And it's safe to say that with the success of girls like Norah Jones and Alicia Keys, simple girls who sing and play the piano, Stefani could have seen some level of success. But Norah Jones has sort of faded away over the years. Would Stefani have been like that or could she have stayed relevant like Alicia Keys?
If she had gone the pop route, she may have been in trouble. With so many over the top personalities, how would a singer like Stefani stand out? When Norah Jones won all her Grammies and sold all her albums, there was no Ke$ha, Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. The pop world was a different place. Nowadays, people seem to want over-the-top, larger than life characters. Outside of Adele, what woman is having success without being somewhat of a character?
Talent definitely brought Stefani to the dance, but the Gaga character gave her the opportunity to steal the show. I don't think Stefani would have performed songs like Just Dance and Pokerface. From those old pictures, and from what the photographer who took them said, Stefani seemed like a simple girl who sang and played piano.
Therefore, it's safe to say the change from Stefani to Gaga helped her become the multi-platinum recording artist she is today. Of course, Stefani could certainly have written a hit song and maybe even had a successful album. But in today's world, where a singer like Adele is the exception and not the norm, Stefani seemingly made the right choice. Gaga is an international superstar; Stefani may have only lasted a couple years.
In fairness, many of today's biggest stars wouldn't be stars without their over-the-top personalities. Ke$ha needs her glitter (and her $ sign), Katy needs her wacky hair, even Britney Spears and Rihanna need to show some skin. It's all about differentiating yourself, and Gaga may just be the most different of all.

Underneath It All

I like it when people take shots at Britney. I like it when people make fun of her look, weight, hair, makeup, and overall appearance. I like it when people give Britney zero credit for her music. I like it when people complain when Britney wins awards.
See, while everyone underestimates her, she keeps dominating. She's the 36th best selling artist of all time. She has nothing to prove, but she keeps making the best music.
My advice to people is to keep talking shots at her and keep putting her down. I think she feeds off that (though she'd never admit it). She's like a sports team who's always the underdog yet keeps winning. No one believes in Britney. Thankfully, that hasn't stopped her yet.

Fingertips

I feel your fingertips touch me
I feel them tracing a map around my skin
I feel your sweet lips love me
I feel them over and over again

I feel your smooth vibrations
I feel your heart beat inside of your skin
I feel this new sensation
I feel it over and over again

I feel your cold hand shake me
I feel you freeze the hair on my skin
I feel your touch completely
I feel it over and over again

So tell me why am I still sound asleep (sound asleep)
Tell me why did you come to rescue me (rescue me)
Did I really need waking?
Was I misbehaving?
Tell me how are you saving me

I love your fingertips as they trace the outline of my heart
If I could I'd reach inside and give it to you

And That's Why I Love You

Seeing you drunk in the pale moon light
Touching your skin, tasting your lips
I get drunk off the glass you tipped
And we both know this isn't right
But neither of us put up a fight
And that's why I love you

The more you drink, the less you wear
My eyes don't believe what they see
Here you are, so close to me
It's a sight I can hardly bear
To see you drunk standing there
And that's why I love you

I love your drunken beauty
I love your sober symphonies
I love the way you have no rhythm at all
I love your complications
I love your broken heart
Most assuredly, I love the way you fall

You dance drunk in the bright moon light
Holding tight to the things you can't let go
I try to steal you away, but you said no
For once in your life you put up a fight
Told me this situation wasn't right
And that's why I love you

Take me home
I'll take you home tonight
And we'll kiss in the shadowy moonlight
When a no becomes a yes
That's when you love me the best
As whatever happens you love me best
And that's why I love you

She's Just Like Us

With the passing of Etta James, music sites and entertainment sites have put up remembrances to honor her. All mention her hit songs like "At Last," "Tell Mama" and "All I Could Do Was Cry." They also mention the problem she had with drugs. It's that problem that helped to humanize her, to show people that she wasn't just some singing robot but a person with flaws.
Now that she's dead, people are tweeting non-stop about their memories of her and their favorite songs.
Before James died, though, another artist was blowing up Twitter: Britney Spears. In the last couple of days she's had 18 worldwide TTs. Britney's not dead, so why are people talking about her all of a sudden? It would seem that people just love her.
Like Etta James, Britney's had her share of problems. But, like the late singer, Britney's problems have shown her to be a human being: flawed, mistake-prone,and  foolish. People can relate to Britney. Whether it's drunken nights out, fighting, bad hookups, or feuding with the family, almost everyone has experienced their share of misery.
We can look back on our own mistakes and empathize with Britney. We know we've been there or, maybe, are still there. We know mistakes are just that, because we've had them. We know life is hard, that the right thing to do isn't always the most enjoyable, and that bad decisions can sometimes escalate.
Maybe we never attacked a paparazzi's car or shaved our head or used a tabloid website to send out cryptic messages, and we've certainly never done those things with the whole world watching, but what we have done is not so different. We've fought, made foolish spur-of-the-moment decisions with our physical appearance (late-night tattoos anyone), and definitely said or texted some really stupid things (seriously, who hasn't drunk texted someone).
This is why someone like Britney can have that "fall from grace" and still rebound and get back to that superstar level. We know what it's like to fall. It would be hypocritical of us to shun someone for behavior we've exhibited in our own lives. And for those who live the "Christian" life, you empathize with Britney because God says to love your fellow man and because you know we're all sinners and all sins are equal.
Britney asked today what she did to deserve all this love. I think the answer is simple: she showed herself to be human, to be like us. We like us and we like Britney, too.

New Year's Resolutions

This year, make some resolutions you can actually stick to. Such as:
- Resolve to smack your girlfriend around less
- Resolve to fuck your wife more
- Resolve to only smoke a pack a day (and not two)
- Resolve to listen to more Billy Joel and less Rebecca Black
- Resolve to wear clothing that covers your boobs and ass
- Resolve to put off that nose job for another year
- Resolve to drink only on the weekends, holidays or when there are three or more people in the same room as you
- Resolve to forget all the bad things you did and remember the good things
- Resolve to stop cheating on your husband with those two black guys (just pick one)
- Resolve to spend more money on cheap alcohol and strippers
- Resolve to stop stressing over dirty dishes
- Resolve to forgive your idiotic kid for wrecking the family car that you stupidly let him drive
- Resolve to GAIN weight . . . but just a little
- Resolve to lose that weight in 2013
- Resolve to take that money you were gonna spend on Lady Gaga tickets and give it to the homeless (or a really good friend who likes Lady Gaga)
- Resolve to hug your kids more - you know, those little people who live in your house and eat your food
- Resolve to slap your wife less in the face and more on the ass
- Resolve to learn more Japanese and less English
- Resolve to visit the in-laws once this year (even if you know they're not going to be home)
- Resolve to stop looking at pictures of Lindsay Lohan topless
- Resolve to sell your $100,000 car, give 3/4 of that money to charity, and then buy a regular fucking car
- Resolve to wear less fur . . . or wear more fur but at least inform PETA of your decision so they can throw things at you
- Resolve to be more religious - or less religious - whatever makes you less likely to commit mass homicide
- Resolve to watch less MTV until they start showing the M again
- Resolve to buy more Britney Spears songs
- Resolve to sober up before you drive, unless you're driving on a lonely dirt road where there's no chance of you hitting anyone. Then drive as drunk as you like
- Resolve to bully more, assuming, of course, you're willing to take it up the ass
- Resolve to work on your flow so one day you can spew homophobic rants in rhyme form
- Resolve to be a bigger fucking asshole than you were in 2012
- Resolve to be poorer
- Resolve to NOT date, speak to, or have sex with that incredibly attractive single woman you work with
- Resolve to end more sentences with a preposition
- Resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, and be a better person. Just kidding
- Resolve to be more like Taylor Swift: tall, blond, beautiful, and always ripping on some guy for breaking your heart
- Resolve to improve you're grammer
- Resolve to improve your spelling
- Resolve to take that vacation, so long as you do it during the busiest time of the year at work thereby screwing over all the people you work with
- Resolve to make less resolutions
- Resolve to inject yourself with so much botox that when you're 55 you'll have the face of a 25-year old . . . who can't smile, frown or show any emotion
- Resolve to get divorced the minute your marriage encounters one bump in the road
- Resolve to become famous for getting hit in the genitals
- Resolve to masturbate 400 times this year . . . with your left hand
- Resolve to kick the marijuana habit by using cocaine.
- Finally, resolve to fuck someone over: park in a handicapped space, take the last doughnut, refuse to give to the Salvation Army, throw away your old clothes instead of donating them, waste food, don't recycle, and cut someone off while driving 88 mph. In general, keep doing what you've been doing.