It's no secret that Britannica has possibly the greatest job ever (aside from actually being Britney Spears) because her whole life revolves around Britney (not counting the couple hours each day she worships Justin Bieber). It's also no secret that I want her . . . job.
It seems Britannica will hold onto her job like a Pope. Seriously, she's going to die in that (office) chair. She'll be 45 and still tweeting, blogging, facebooking (or whatever passes for those activities in 15 years) about Britney. She'll go to all of Britney's concerts and probably have great seats. It's completely unfair.
Therefore, I think Britannica should have to defend her job like a boxer, wrestler, MMA fighter defends his title. Once a year, she should have to put her job on the line against other people, like myself, who really want it. The way you win would differ each year. For instance, one year could be Britney trivia. Another year could be mimicking Britney's dance moves. Another year could be singing like Britney. And so on.
Truthfully, that's the only fair way to decide who's right for the job. I bet Britannica would even agree, because she's such a fair and righteous person. In fact, to make it totally fair and unbiased, Britney could be a judge.
Let's make this happen.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Hangover Part IV
I'm not entirely sure what the plot of The Hangover Part III is, but rumor has it that Britney Spears makes a cameo. That perfectly coincides with the reported Vegas deal she's negotiating. In fact, my proposal to the producers of The Hangover is to spin Britney off and do a fourth Hangover staring her.
It may sound like a crazy idea on paper because of Britney's newer, cleaner image. But, imagine all the hijinks she could get up to. For instance:
- Britney gets lost looking for a Starbucks at 1 a.m.
- Britney can't quite figure out how the craps table works
- One of Britney's children pulls a slot machine lever and wins $1M
- Britney has a chase scene on the casino floor with paparazzi
- Britney finds a dog shelter and tries to adopt every dog
- Britney steals a cop car (kidding, that's already been done)
Either way, those ideas are way better than a Vegas casino blowing $100-$120M on Britney for two years.
You have to understand Britney's fan base. Do they have the money to afford to see Britney in Vegas? Imagine a ticket, flight and hotel, then add on food,drinks and gambling (if of legal age) and you're talking in excess of $500. Britney's fans love her, but how many have that kind of money to blow?
A Vegas set-up works for older artists like Celine Dion and Elton John because their fans are older and have disposable income. Not so much for 17-year olds or 20-year olds or even 24-year olds.
Obviously, the money is tremendous for Britney. Who would turn down $100M? However, I think most people would agree that Britney would probably get bored quickly. I can't imagine her putting on the same show in the same place for two years.
Personally, I'd rather watch The Hangover Part IV staring Britney Spears. Who's with me?
It may sound like a crazy idea on paper because of Britney's newer, cleaner image. But, imagine all the hijinks she could get up to. For instance:
- Britney gets lost looking for a Starbucks at 1 a.m.
- Britney can't quite figure out how the craps table works
- One of Britney's children pulls a slot machine lever and wins $1M
- Britney has a chase scene on the casino floor with paparazzi
- Britney finds a dog shelter and tries to adopt every dog
- Britney steals a cop car (kidding, that's already been done)
Either way, those ideas are way better than a Vegas casino blowing $100-$120M on Britney for two years.
You have to understand Britney's fan base. Do they have the money to afford to see Britney in Vegas? Imagine a ticket, flight and hotel, then add on food,drinks and gambling (if of legal age) and you're talking in excess of $500. Britney's fans love her, but how many have that kind of money to blow?
A Vegas set-up works for older artists like Celine Dion and Elton John because their fans are older and have disposable income. Not so much for 17-year olds or 20-year olds or even 24-year olds.
Obviously, the money is tremendous for Britney. Who would turn down $100M? However, I think most people would agree that Britney would probably get bored quickly. I can't imagine her putting on the same show in the same place for two years.
Personally, I'd rather watch The Hangover Part IV staring Britney Spears. Who's with me?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Ex-Factor
See what I did there?
Britney's leaving the X-Factor, there's no question about that. Why or how is where the question lies. Did she walk away or did X-Factor tell her to watch out for the doorknob on the way out?
The idea of a mutual dissolving of the relationship is a joke. Someone said see you later first. Relationships never mutually end. It has to start somewhere. In this case, either Britney said to X-Factor, thanks but no thanks, or X-Factor said to Britney, your services are no longer required.
The first rumor to come out was that X-Factor would not ask Britney back for another season. Then, the rumor changed to Britney was quitting the show. What's right and what's wrong?
Some people want to believe that both parties got together and decided to go their separate ways. That's a highly unlikely scenario. What's more likely is that either low ratings scared X-Factor into deciding to move on or Britney was afraid X-Factor would dump her and chose to go on the offensive.
Whichever scenario is correct, someone is gonna look bad. If X-Factor tosses Britney aside, it makes her look less important. If Britney walks, it makes X-Factor look less important. You always want to leave a situation; you never want people to think you were removed. That's why you'd quit a job before you let your boss fire you.
It makes more sense that Britney got her walking papers (or, more specifically, didn't get any papers), then to think she chose to leave. At one point during the show, she said when asked if she'd return, "Yes, definitely." Later on, she changed her story to, "I have to think about it." But you can imagine her change of heart was more for negotiation sake (and probably at the request of her management team).
X-Factor, on the other hand, paid $15M for Britney, got marginal ratings, and was left in the end with three choices. Of those three, were they going to bring her back at the same price, give her a raise or let her go? There was no chance of her getting a raise, since the ratings for her season were lower than season 1. They could have offered her another $15M, but that's a lot of money to pay someone to judge the third most watched singing show on TV.
Really, they had one option (because offering her less money would have been a slap in the face, especially since she was quite competent at her job (and at times the only reason to watch)). Unless the ratings trended upward from episode one to the finale (and they didn't) they had to let her go.
For Britney's part, she had to get it out there that she CHOSE to leave to focus on music so she wouldn't look weak. J. Lo did the same thing when she left Idol. And it seems people are buying it.
I'm sure she and Fox will come to terms on some sort of mutual press release where both parties look good. They'll all say they agreed to part ways. Fox will miss Britney. Britney will miss the show. Yada, yada, yada. No one has released an official statement yet, but you can expect one to be forthcoming soon.
I enjoyed Britney's time on the X-Factor, but am of two minds about her inevitable departure. I'll miss seeing her twice a week for four months. Then again, I won't miss watching another singing show.
I'm sure once she's officially gone, writers will have a good time penning stories about how she was a massive disappointment, a waste of $15M, etc., etc. I don't know if that's really fair, though, since it's quite difficult to crush something on your first try.
If anything good came from this, it was the fact that Britney proved the doubters wrong. They said she'd be a trainwreck, yet she was composed and professional. However, the doubters claimed victory by calling Britney a boring judge, which to them is akin to being a trainwreck because both mean failure. In fact, many critics and doubters, after the fact, wished it had been a trainwreck (of course, had it been, they'd have claimed victory; though, they still claim it, even though she wasn't a mess at all, meaning Britney was in a no-win situation).
Years from now, we'll look back at Britney's X-Factor run the same way we do with Ellen DeGeneres on Idol. It happened, we saw it, but it ended up being pretty meaningless in the long run. Britney hasn't built a new career for herself as a TV judge. Probably for the best, since her original career is far from over.
Britney's leaving the X-Factor, there's no question about that. Why or how is where the question lies. Did she walk away or did X-Factor tell her to watch out for the doorknob on the way out?
The idea of a mutual dissolving of the relationship is a joke. Someone said see you later first. Relationships never mutually end. It has to start somewhere. In this case, either Britney said to X-Factor, thanks but no thanks, or X-Factor said to Britney, your services are no longer required.
The first rumor to come out was that X-Factor would not ask Britney back for another season. Then, the rumor changed to Britney was quitting the show. What's right and what's wrong?
Some people want to believe that both parties got together and decided to go their separate ways. That's a highly unlikely scenario. What's more likely is that either low ratings scared X-Factor into deciding to move on or Britney was afraid X-Factor would dump her and chose to go on the offensive.
Whichever scenario is correct, someone is gonna look bad. If X-Factor tosses Britney aside, it makes her look less important. If Britney walks, it makes X-Factor look less important. You always want to leave a situation; you never want people to think you were removed. That's why you'd quit a job before you let your boss fire you.
It makes more sense that Britney got her walking papers (or, more specifically, didn't get any papers), then to think she chose to leave. At one point during the show, she said when asked if she'd return, "Yes, definitely." Later on, she changed her story to, "I have to think about it." But you can imagine her change of heart was more for negotiation sake (and probably at the request of her management team).
X-Factor, on the other hand, paid $15M for Britney, got marginal ratings, and was left in the end with three choices. Of those three, were they going to bring her back at the same price, give her a raise or let her go? There was no chance of her getting a raise, since the ratings for her season were lower than season 1. They could have offered her another $15M, but that's a lot of money to pay someone to judge the third most watched singing show on TV.
Really, they had one option (because offering her less money would have been a slap in the face, especially since she was quite competent at her job (and at times the only reason to watch)). Unless the ratings trended upward from episode one to the finale (and they didn't) they had to let her go.
For Britney's part, she had to get it out there that she CHOSE to leave to focus on music so she wouldn't look weak. J. Lo did the same thing when she left Idol. And it seems people are buying it.
I'm sure she and Fox will come to terms on some sort of mutual press release where both parties look good. They'll all say they agreed to part ways. Fox will miss Britney. Britney will miss the show. Yada, yada, yada. No one has released an official statement yet, but you can expect one to be forthcoming soon.
I enjoyed Britney's time on the X-Factor, but am of two minds about her inevitable departure. I'll miss seeing her twice a week for four months. Then again, I won't miss watching another singing show.
I'm sure once she's officially gone, writers will have a good time penning stories about how she was a massive disappointment, a waste of $15M, etc., etc. I don't know if that's really fair, though, since it's quite difficult to crush something on your first try.
If anything good came from this, it was the fact that Britney proved the doubters wrong. They said she'd be a trainwreck, yet she was composed and professional. However, the doubters claimed victory by calling Britney a boring judge, which to them is akin to being a trainwreck because both mean failure. In fact, many critics and doubters, after the fact, wished it had been a trainwreck (of course, had it been, they'd have claimed victory; though, they still claim it, even though she wasn't a mess at all, meaning Britney was in a no-win situation).
Years from now, we'll look back at Britney's X-Factor run the same way we do with Ellen DeGeneres on Idol. It happened, we saw it, but it ended up being pretty meaningless in the long run. Britney hasn't built a new career for herself as a TV judge. Probably for the best, since her original career is far from over.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Pop Goes the Music
Now that it's over, 2012 was not a banner year for pop music. You don't realize how much you miss the Gagas and Britneys of the world until they don't release anything.
Sure, Carly Rae gave us a huge song and other good songs, and Taylor Swift and Ke$ha both released albums. There was Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars, too, which is nice. But when the biggest impact is made by a Korean artist with a dreadful song, you know it was a bad year for pop.
Thank God, then, that Britney, Gaga, Beyonce, Katy, Avril, are all due to release albums this year (or sooner than later). We need a great album like Femme Fatale or Teenage Dream.
Don't get me wrong, rock and alternative put out some great music courtesy of Neon Trees, Imagine Dragons and Walk the Moon. And hip-hop contributed with albums from B.o.B. and others. That's why pop is in danger, because other genres are stepping it up.
Rihanna had another big hit with "Diamonds," but the album is average at best. Maroon 5 had two big hits, but their album kinda sucks. Taylor Swift tried to carry the genre on her back and did an admirable job, just like Adele earlier in 2012, but she needs help.
Therefore, I'm hoping the aforementioned ladies can come through. The genre is begging for greatness. So to Katy and Gaga and all the rest, step it up. It's time to take the charts back.
However, we don't want Femme Fatale 2 or Teenage Dream 2 (or even Blackout 2.0, sorry Britney fans). We demand new and innovative. Most of all, make it good.
Less Beiber, more Britney!
Sure, Carly Rae gave us a huge song and other good songs, and Taylor Swift and Ke$ha both released albums. There was Maroon 5 and Bruno Mars, too, which is nice. But when the biggest impact is made by a Korean artist with a dreadful song, you know it was a bad year for pop.
Thank God, then, that Britney, Gaga, Beyonce, Katy, Avril, are all due to release albums this year (or sooner than later). We need a great album like Femme Fatale or Teenage Dream.
Don't get me wrong, rock and alternative put out some great music courtesy of Neon Trees, Imagine Dragons and Walk the Moon. And hip-hop contributed with albums from B.o.B. and others. That's why pop is in danger, because other genres are stepping it up.
Rihanna had another big hit with "Diamonds," but the album is average at best. Maroon 5 had two big hits, but their album kinda sucks. Taylor Swift tried to carry the genre on her back and did an admirable job, just like Adele earlier in 2012, but she needs help.
Therefore, I'm hoping the aforementioned ladies can come through. The genre is begging for greatness. So to Katy and Gaga and all the rest, step it up. It's time to take the charts back.
However, we don't want Femme Fatale 2 or Teenage Dream 2 (or even Blackout 2.0, sorry Britney fans). We demand new and innovative. Most of all, make it good.
Less Beiber, more Britney!
My Favorite (2012) Things
My 10 favorite albums from 2012:
B.o.B. - Strange Clouds
Ke$ha - Warrior
Neon Trees - Picture Show
Halestorm - The Strange Case Of . . .
Walk the Moon - Walk the Moon
Graffiti6 - Colours
Imagine Dragons - Night Vision
Aerosmith - Music From Another Dimension
Bruno Mars - Unorthodox Jukebox
Kid Rock - Rebel Soul
My favorite singles:
B.o.B. feat. Taylor Swift - Both Of Us
Bruce Springsteen - Land of Hope and Dreams
Carly Rae Jepson - Call Me Maybe
Halestorm - Here's to Us
Imagine Dragons - It's Time
Little Boots - Every Night I Say a Prayer
Neon Trees - Everybody Talks
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Nicki Minaj - Starships
Slaughterhouse feat. Cee-Lo Green - My Life
My favorite non-singles:
Aerosmith - Out Go the Lights
Boys Like Girls - Life of the Party
Bruce Springsteen - Shackled and Drawn
Carrie Underwood - One Way Ticket
Halestorm - Freak Like Me
Ke$ha - Gold Trans Am
Kid Rock - God Save Rock n Roll
Killers - Miss Atomic Bomb
Neon Trees - Moving in the Dark
Taylor Swift - Red
B.o.B. - Strange Clouds
Ke$ha - Warrior
Neon Trees - Picture Show
Halestorm - The Strange Case Of . . .
Walk the Moon - Walk the Moon
Graffiti6 - Colours
Imagine Dragons - Night Vision
Aerosmith - Music From Another Dimension
Bruno Mars - Unorthodox Jukebox
Kid Rock - Rebel Soul
My favorite singles:
B.o.B. feat. Taylor Swift - Both Of Us
Bruce Springsteen - Land of Hope and Dreams
Carly Rae Jepson - Call Me Maybe
Halestorm - Here's to Us
Imagine Dragons - It's Time
Little Boots - Every Night I Say a Prayer
Neon Trees - Everybody Talks
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Nicki Minaj - Starships
Slaughterhouse feat. Cee-Lo Green - My Life
My favorite non-singles:
Aerosmith - Out Go the Lights
Boys Like Girls - Life of the Party
Bruce Springsteen - Shackled and Drawn
Carrie Underwood - One Way Ticket
Halestorm - Freak Like Me
Ke$ha - Gold Trans Am
Kid Rock - God Save Rock n Roll
Killers - Miss Atomic Bomb
Neon Trees - Moving in the Dark
Taylor Swift - Red
You Fat Fuck
Britney Spears is not fat. And I would confidently say she's never been fat, ever, in her whole life. She's been pregnant, twice, but never fat. Her weight may fluctuate a few pounds here and there, as happens to 99 percent of women, but never to a serious degree.
Therefore, it pisses me off when people take shots of Britney's body. It happens way too often on her supposed fan sites. Just today I saw someone post an outtake of the Lucky Magazine shoot she did and nearly every comment was negative. Not, "I don't like that picture" negative, but "Britney looks fat here" negative.
This shit happens to most celebs, I'm sure, but I see it all the time with Britney. Her own fans love to take cheap shots at her body. I'm assuming it's because they have their own body issues and lash out at Britney to make themselves feel better. It's cheap and it needs to stop.
Without even getting into the discussion of what exactly is fat, the bottom line is that it's Britney's body and she can be whatever size she wants. If you comment on her weight, then that shows that you only like her for her body. That makes you a sad, pathetic person.
These people seem to take pride in pointing out Britney's flaws, as if she doesn't already see them. If you think Britney wakes up everyday, looks in the mirror and says, "I look perfect today," then you're a fucking idiot. I'm sure she sees her imperfections, just like you see your own.
Fortunately for you, 100 people on a message board aren't obsessing over your photo, pointing out your flaws, your wrinkles, your rashes, all the while mentioning how much weight you could stand to lose. I understand that's part of being famous. What I don't understand is if her own fans are trashing her, and the people who don't like her are trashing her, then who's saying the nice things? Who's defending her?
Britney is not a size 0 or a size 2. I don't know what size she is exactly, but it seems to work for her. Jennifer Lawrence recently said that in Hollywood she's considered obese. Well, if she's obese and Britney's fat, then I guess I'm a chubby chaser. I'll be a proud one, too.
I hope these people who throw around the word fat have little sisters. And those little sisters develop eating disorders that cause the older sibling to wonder how they could have developed said disorder. Britney may be able to shrug off negative comments, and Jennifer may be OK with being considered obese. I doubt, though, that some 15-year old feels the same way. I mean, if Britney's fat and Jennifer is obese, what are they?
You would think as Britney ages, her fans would mature along with her. I guess not.
A few years ago a picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt surfaced in her bikini where her backside looked bigger than normal. Everyone seemed to have a negative comment, as if having a big ass somehow made her a bad actress or less attractive. I'll never understand people.
Someday people will grow up. I hope.
Therefore, it pisses me off when people take shots of Britney's body. It happens way too often on her supposed fan sites. Just today I saw someone post an outtake of the Lucky Magazine shoot she did and nearly every comment was negative. Not, "I don't like that picture" negative, but "Britney looks fat here" negative.
This shit happens to most celebs, I'm sure, but I see it all the time with Britney. Her own fans love to take cheap shots at her body. I'm assuming it's because they have their own body issues and lash out at Britney to make themselves feel better. It's cheap and it needs to stop.
Without even getting into the discussion of what exactly is fat, the bottom line is that it's Britney's body and she can be whatever size she wants. If you comment on her weight, then that shows that you only like her for her body. That makes you a sad, pathetic person.
These people seem to take pride in pointing out Britney's flaws, as if she doesn't already see them. If you think Britney wakes up everyday, looks in the mirror and says, "I look perfect today," then you're a fucking idiot. I'm sure she sees her imperfections, just like you see your own.
Fortunately for you, 100 people on a message board aren't obsessing over your photo, pointing out your flaws, your wrinkles, your rashes, all the while mentioning how much weight you could stand to lose. I understand that's part of being famous. What I don't understand is if her own fans are trashing her, and the people who don't like her are trashing her, then who's saying the nice things? Who's defending her?
Britney is not a size 0 or a size 2. I don't know what size she is exactly, but it seems to work for her. Jennifer Lawrence recently said that in Hollywood she's considered obese. Well, if she's obese and Britney's fat, then I guess I'm a chubby chaser. I'll be a proud one, too.
I hope these people who throw around the word fat have little sisters. And those little sisters develop eating disorders that cause the older sibling to wonder how they could have developed said disorder. Britney may be able to shrug off negative comments, and Jennifer may be OK with being considered obese. I doubt, though, that some 15-year old feels the same way. I mean, if Britney's fat and Jennifer is obese, what are they?
You would think as Britney ages, her fans would mature along with her. I guess not.
A few years ago a picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt surfaced in her bikini where her backside looked bigger than normal. Everyone seemed to have a negative comment, as if having a big ass somehow made her a bad actress or less attractive. I'll never understand people.
Someday people will grow up. I hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)