Free Speech?

Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it, too.
I don't know what that means. No one does. Of course if you have cake you're gonna wanna eat it. A more apt saying would be that everyone wants to have their cake and ice cream, too. See, the ice cream would be an added bonus.
When it comes to free speech, everyone wants their cake and ice cream, too. Both the left and right want free speech, but each only wants a particular kind of free speech. The right wants the ability to say whatever they want - attack gays, minorities, women, immigrants (legal and illegal) - but there's a catch: leave the president and all good, God fearing Americans alone. See, you can attack anyone, just as long as your targets aren't middle American conservatives.
Of course, the left isn't without sin, either. They're pro free speech, but only if you're speaking their language. Attack the president, Nazis, white supremacists, racists, homophobes? Sure. Talk about being pro-life, pro-God, pro-country/flag/veterans? Not interested.
Free speech is an oxymoron. Everything you say has value. Every word has a price attached. Therefore, the first amendment isn't quite accurate. It says that we have the right to free speech, but what we really have is the right to speech. You can say whatever you want, but it could cost you.
Attack the president? OK, but you might alienate half the country. Attack gays? Sure, but realize you're gonna make some enemies.
Everyone has opinions, everyone has thoughts, but it's how we've decided that our thoughts are OK that's the problem. Why is it OK to attack the president? Why is it OK to attack minorities? More importantly, why is it OK for me to have free speech but not you?
Conservatives had a huge issue with Eminem using free speech to tear into Donald Trump, yet many of those same conservatives had a problem when Milo Yannopolous (?) and Ann Coulter were denied the opportunity to speak at Cal-Berkley. Are they pro free speech or not?
And liberals, well, they loved what Eminem (and late-night talk show hosts) did, yet they rallied against Yannopolous and Coulter. Are they pro free speech or not?
Maybe someday we can all agree that speech is never free and that there are certain things you just shouldn't say. Maybe we can define "hate" speech and let people know that they can say anything, except that.
Until then, let's realize that you can't have your cake and ice cream, too. You have to pick.

Growing Up Britney

When I was a freshman in college I first heard "Baby One More Time" on the radio (it was 1998 and people still listened to the radio, don't judge me). I liked the song, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't in love with it. Even when I saw the video I felt basically the same. In my defense, I was already in love with Jennifer Love Hewitt and I had no more room in my heart for anyone else (again, it was 1998, don't judge me).
Obviously, I eventually saw the error of my ways and replaced Love with Jean (Britney's middle name, not some random person named Jean), because if I hadn't, this post would be titled "Growing Up Love." Though, to be fair, I did try to love (no pun intended) both equally. Sadly, Love sort of disappeared from the public eye to get married and have babies, thereby making it easy for me to focus all of my attention on Britney.
Back in college, I didn't find too many Britney fans. My friends put up with my Britney obsession, but none of them were exactly jumping at the chance to watch her on TV or listen to her music. And definitely no one was excited to go see her live in concert. Thankfully, I did talk one person into seeing the Dream Within A Dream tour (great show, by the way, but you probably know that already if you're reading this).
As I got older and my Britney obsession grew (how could it not, have you seen the woman?), I realized how different I was than most fans. Mostly, I was straight. Heterosexual male Britney fans are kinda like Bigfoot - you hear about them, but do they really exist? I'm not sure why it's so crazy to think a straight guy would be into Britney Spears considering she's gorgeous and has created some of the sexiest videos ever.
Being a Britney fan is great, but to be honest, it's also frustrating. No, I'm not talking about the "Make Me" video debacle, 2007 or Britney Jean. I mean for me, as a straight male. I've seen Britney three times. Once, as I mentioned above, followed by the Onyx Hotel tour with a female friend who's now married (not to me) and the Circus tour with no one. Yes, I so badly wanted to see the Circus tour that I went alone. Some people might not think that's such a bad thing; some people might have even seen Britney by themselves, too. But it's really less fun without someone to share it with (and trust me, I asked everyone I could think of first).
It's not all bad, though. Loving Britney has allowed me to get to know some great people online over the past decade plus (actually, it's probably close to 20 years now). And hearing about Britney addicts meeting up in Las Vegas to see Piece of Me sounds amazing. That's the best part of her Vegas residency, actually: the ability to meet other fans. You're not doing that if she's touring the country. I doubt I could convince a bunch of people to come to Boston to see her.
That's what I was missing in college - knowing other Britney fans. It was just me in my dorm room listening to Britney all alone (wow, how sad does that sound? I did leave every once in while and I did socialize with other people, just for the record). Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to know them now. And seeing them talk (Tweet, Facebook, Instagram) about her definitely makes me happy.
I remember the first Britney forum I ever visited. It was Heaven to find a place where people weren't making fun of Britney. Of course, those old websites have come and gone. I've also gotten older (*sadface*) and don't have the same amount of time to devote to Britney (*doublesadface*). I definitely miss the late nights waiting up for the new Britney song to come out or video to debut. Now, I have to wait until morning (adulthood, what a pain, am I right?). Eventually, I'll probably just catch the new stuff when I can, instead of obsessing over every detail (trust me, it'll happen to you).
I know there are much bigger fans than me, people who've seen her 10, 20 times, had multiple meet & greets and probably have every single song on their iPod (hello, "Email My Heart"). Those people are crazy and I love them. They're the ones I'd love to meet in Vegas some day. Actually, I do know some of those people and I know they'll be in Vegas next April. Maybe if a large sum of money falls into my lap (or I start dating a rich woman), I'll be there, too.
Nah, probably not, but I can dream. Perhaps even Dream Within A Dream (yeah, I said it).

Stepping Away From the Negativity

I love Britney Spears. You don't have to know me for very long to know that. I have hundreds of Britney songs on my iPod, I'm always watching Britney videos on youtube, and I'm constantly posting about Britney on Twitter, Facebook or any Britney fan site.
Why am I telling you this? Am I about to swerve you and tell you I'm handing in my Stan card? Has Britney's newest video sent me over the edge? Am I cancelling my "Glory" pre-order? Absolutely not!
I've been a Britney fan since 2000 and the release of "Oops I Did It Again" the album. I was 19 when that album came out. I was in college trying to study (and more honestly trying to get a girlfriend). When "Baby One More Time" came out, I fell in love with Britney but shied away from full-fledged Standom (not to mention the term hadn't been invented yet; Eminem's song wouldn't be released until May of 2000).
Being a straight male, I didn't want people to know I listened to Britney. A couple of her songs were acceptable, like "Baby" and "Crazy," but most weren't acceptable for a heterosexual male to like. So, I listened to her music in secret in my bedroom. When the albums came out, "Oops" and "Britney," I downloaded them illegally. I was embarrassed to go to the store (no iTunes then) and buy them.
By 2003, I finally said fuck it and bought "In the Zone" (her third best album in my opinion). I started caring less what people thought of a 20-something heterosexual guy loving Britney. I had posters of her on my wall, I had her t-shirt, and I used her pictures as wallpaper for my desktop computer. I was a fell-fledged Stan.
I'll say this honestly: it's hard to be a straight male Britney fan. I say this not out of any embarrassment, because there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I say this because my relationships with female Britney fans are just different than gay fans have. I'll never be as close to them as their gay friends. There's always going to be that, "is he just trying to get with me?" feeling.
I know there have been some meetups within the Britney community. It's basically women with some of their gay friends sprinkled in. I feel like I don't fit in. I understand that it is what it is, to put it in simple terms.
Therefore, I stand on the outside looking in. To feel a part of the Britney family, I post on a popular message board. However, I've gotten to the point where I can't take it any more. The negativity surrounding Britney's newest video, "Make Me," has finally pushed me over the edge. I'm keeping my Stan card, I earned that, but I can't take the bitching, complaining and moaning.
I love Britney. I love most of her fans. But for me it's time to take a step back. I'm not leaving the community. I'll tweet to them and continue to promote Britney. I love Britney Galaxy and their positivity. I love, in no particular order, Cristi, Rachel, Alycia, Lauren, Brittany, Monica, Emily, Tina, Lizzy, and a hundred others. They are the most amazing and kind-hearted women I've ever spoken to.
I'm excited to listen to "Glory" on Aug. 26. I love the "Make Me" video and will watch it on repeat until my eyes bleed. I just need to step away from the hate. I have no time in my life for that.

You Made Your Bed, Now Kill Yourself

The Internet is a fucked up place. Well, it can be.
You make one mistake and people will destroy you. Nameless, faceless people, but people nonetheless.
You cheat on your boyfriend and get caught? Prepare to be called every name in the book. And if that name-calling causes you to try something you can't take back, like suicide, don't expect apologies from the name-callers. You brought this on yourself, remember, by cheating.
This unfortunate situation arose where Kyrie Irving's girlfriend cheated on him. Or it was his ex-girlfriend and she, therefore, didn't cheat. But it was definitely the first scenario, according to Internet detectives who did no actual detective work and just chose to assume the juicier scenario.
Anyway, this woman, Kehlani, supposedly cheated on Irving with an ex. When he posted a picture of what appeared to be the two of them in bed, the Internet went crazy. Never mind the fact that 90 percent of these people had no idea who she was. All they knew was that she (allegedly) cheated on a famous athlete. Kill her.
Sadly, these Internet warriors for truth and justice, i.e. trolls, were so callous in their comments that Kehlani attempted suicide. It's not the fact that they just assumed she had cheated, it's the fact that they felt it was their place to talk about it (even though, again, 90 percent had no clue who she was). She (allegedly) made one mistake.
Has no one ever made a mistake? When you cheat on your diet by having a cookie, do you get ripped apart with terrible names, names so disgusting that you want to kill yourself? When you cheat on a test, do you get shamed so badly that you want to kill yourself?
Everyone has made a mistake. Most of us make many every day.
These Internet warriors for truth and justice said that attacking her was OK because she cheated. They felt no sympathy, even though she attempted suicide, because she cheated. You make one mistake and you deserve to die, sayeth these bastions of the American way. It's sickening to think that one mistake, especially something as commonplace as infidelity can't be forgiven. (Not that any of us have to forgive her, since she didn't (allegedly) cheat on us.)
Maybe the saddest thing, amazingly, has nothing to do with feeling no empathy or sympathy for someone who attempted suicide. Maybe it's the idea that if the famous (male) athlete had cheated, he would have received high-fives and daps and slaps on the back from these same Internet warriors.
It would have been a lot of "your the man" and "get it" and "thats what she gets for tryna get wifed up" (these warriors tend to have terrible grammar and no grasp of the English language). But if a woman dare cheat on her famous boyfriend, then she's a "thot," a "ho," a "skank." What, men can't be hoes?
It would be a nice change of pace if, instead of tearing someone down for a mistake, we built them up. Instead of reminding them of the one bad thing they did, we reminded them that everyone does something stupid. We could tell them they're not alone. We could advise them to move on and keep trying to be the best person they can be.
Everyone deserves a shot at redemption . . . even on the Internet.

An Alternative to Feminism

With every woman seemingly announcing that she's a feminist nowadays, I feel like there must be some alternative idea that you can support. Why else would women feel the need to announce that they believe in the equality of the sexes.
Are there really women out there who don't believe in that philosophy? I can (almost) understand a man not being a feminist. With his penis and his big, fancy job and his killing of small bugs, he might believe that men do deserve more than women. But a woman who feels the same way?
Is there a woman out there who walks around thinking, "I don't have a penis or kill bugs or forget anniversaries or shave my face or wear baseball caps, like, every day, so I'll go ahead and work the same job as a man for less money. That's totally fair."
Therefore, if women nowadays are "coming out of the closet" so to speak, what did they believe before? What's the alternative to feminism?
1. Maybe these women didn't believe in the equality of the sexes because they felt women should be pad more than men. They thought, "We have vaginas, lactating nipples, smooth legs; we carry humans around inside of us for nine months; we cook, clean, tend to the children, pay the bills, in some cases bring home the bacon, and still find time to look presentable for that one night when the man actually takes us out." (Hmm, they might be right on this one. Perhaps we should pay women more.)
2, Maybe these women don't want to be defined as women and, therefore, only see one sex. If there were only one sex, then equality wouldn't be needed. Like, how the shortest distance between two points will always be a straight line so you don't even need to discuss it. If only one sex existed, being a feminist wouldn't even be a thing (kinda like the word zizaroni in that AT&T commercial).
3. Maybe the alternative to feminism is feminism. Perhaps they've always been feminists, but a. didn't know it or b. were too scared to admit it. Like homosexuals in high school in the 90s, they hid in the closet, hoping no one would find out their dirty secret. But now that the tide has turned, now that being a feminist is cool, they want to shout it from the rooftop.
However, maybe there's no alternative to feminism. Maybe these women thought feminism was a dirty word. Before 2014, a.k.a. the Year of the Feminist, those women were thought of as bra burners with hairy armpits who hate men. Now we know differently. Feminists don't hate men; they just want what we already have (minus the penis).
Hopefully, someday in the future women and men will play on the same team. Today, at least we're all playing on the same field, and that's a good start.

Brains Before Butts

Kim Kardashian posed for a magazine. Actually, Kim Kardashian's ass posed for a magazine and Kim decided to come along. The Internet freaked out, as if no one had ever seen an ass before. Not only have people seen asses, they've seen Kim's. Many times.
Somehow Kim keeps making headlines, even though she's never actually done anything. She keeps ending up on magazine covers, even though she hasn't done anything. She can #BreakTheInternet without actually doing anything.
The media's obsession with Kim, their desire to put her (and her massive ass) on magazine covers is a slap in the face to women who have actually done something. Women all over the world are working to cure cancer, fight terrorism, bring clean water to countries that don't have it, and generally make the world a better place. Yet, they don't make magazine covers. They don't have big asses.
Sure, maybe some do. Maybe some of these hard-working, giving, generous women have a butt as big and glorious as Kim's. But they wouldn't show it. They know it's not their ass that's doing good deeds. Their ass won't make the world a better place to live. They use their minds for that.
Maybe Kim is really smart. Maybe in another life she could cure cancer, fight wars or give back to society. But in this life she's just a girl with a huge ass. She could strive for more, but all she apparently wants to do is #BreakTheInternet (and show her daughter that if you have a big ass you can have anything you want).
I'm sure the women who are out there - the ones fighting disease, poverty and terrorism - wouldn't want the exposure that Kim gets. But I doubt they want to see women getting exposure for simply having a large body part. What kind of message are we sending to young girls if we put women's asses on a pedestal and not their minds?
"Sweetie, put down the book. No one cares what you think. Just work on that ass."
You can't move forward as a society if you put the emphasis on the wrong things. We need to encourage women to think, learn, grow, work hard, and want everything. Men aren't on magazine covers bare-assed. Kim's husband isn't on a magazine cover bare-assed.
Some day Kim's ass will drop to below her knees and no one will want to look at it. Then what happens? Where does Kim go from there? Where does any woman go once the one thing they relied on leaves them? If we teach young girls to use their minds, then we're setting them up for a successful and fulfilling life where they know that the thing they rely on will never abandon them.
Dear Kim, women can be anything they want They can surely be more than an ass. So can you.

Queen of Vegas

Elvis is the King of Las Vegas. There's little dispute there. But who's the queen? Is it Celine Dion? Cher? Shania Twain?
Let me offer you Britney Spears. Why is she the Queen of Las Vegas? First, disregard what RadarOnline wants you to believe about low ticket sales and a half-filled arena. Check the numbers and you'll find that she's sold 97 percent of tickets. That's a lot of tickets.
Second, she's bringing people to Las Vegas. She's made Planet Hollywood $20 million since she started performing. Therefore, the casino offered her a pay raise and a contract extension.
Finally, if you ask anyone who's seen the show (famous and non-famous people), they all say how amazing it is.
I think it's safe to say that if you can fill the arena every night, make the casino millions and put on an amazing show that it qualifies you to wear the tiara.
Sure, a devil's advocate would argue that she's not selling out every show. But she's not just performing on the weekends. People are showing up mid-week to see her. Remember, this is La Vegas and people have to go see her. She's not coming to them. And when the shows aren't sold out, they're damn close.
Also, don't forget that Britney's fan base is either still in school or just starting out in the workplace and have limited funds. It shows just how popular she is that they'd choose to spend those funds on her. Other Las Vegas acts, like Celine, have older fan bases who have more expendable income.
Of course, the most important part is the show itself. Every fan who has written a report has said it's amazing. Celebs like Joe Jonas, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, Selena Gomez and Nicole Richie have all paid their respect and attended the show. Not one has had a negative thing to say.
Therefore, add it all up and you can only say, with the pun very much intended, that people want a "piece of her."

To Boldly Go Where No Pop Star Has Gone Before

I'll admit I'm not a Star Trek fan. Since the title of this essay references the show/movies, you might think I am. I'm not. Sure, I could name some of the characters (Scottie, Dr. Spock, Capt. Picard), but I'm no Trekkie (or Trekker or whatever Star Trek fans call themselves).
I used the quote to illustrate what Britney Spears needs to do on her 9th album. She needs to boldly go where no pop star has gone before. In 2014, if you aren't breaking new ground, you might as well not even bother.
This means no Femme Fatale, no Blackout, no Circus, and no Britney Jean. That's right, no 2.0s. The next album has to be a 1.0, meaning it has to be new, fresh and innovative. Britney has to seek out producers who are daring and trying new things. She can't rely on the old stand-byes - Max Martin, Dr. Luke, Will.i.am, etc. Those guys are great and have produced some of her best work; however, pop stars can't live in the past.
Regardless of what you think about Taylor Swift (I think she's amazing) you have to give her credit for stepping outside her comfort zone. Sure, she was never really pure country, but now she's thrown the country out of the window. She's reinvented herself as a sexy pop star. She's showing a lot more skin, she's ditched the guitar and she's dancing (sort of). She's doing something new, fresh and innovative.
I don't expect Britney to become a country singer, but id she wants success on her 9th album she'll need that same kind of reinvention. Doing the same thing is akin to moving backward. That was Britney Jean's biggest problem. By giving us the same sounds she basically brought to the mainstream, Britney was actually taking a step backwards. Lyrically it was a step forward from Femme Fatale, but pop music doesn't concern itself with lyrics.
There's no doubt she can do it. Look at Blackout and Femme Fatale for proof. Both albums featured sounds that weren't on the radio. She took a gamble that the underground beats she featured would be popular. Thanks to four top 10 singles, she was dead-on. There's no reason she can't do it again.

Loneliness and Desperation

I see you in the stars
I see you in the clouds
I see you in my dreams
I see you in my doubts

You surround me
But I can never get that close to you
You surround me
Yet so far away it can't be true
So I've come to the conclusion that I will never be the one for you

I feel you shake the ground
I feel you pierce the air
I feel you all around
I feel you disappear

You surround me
And I try to get so close to you
You surround me
But who am I to think it could be true
So I've come to the conclusion that I will never be the one for you

There you go again

You're messing up my life

On you I can't depend

Cause I'm always right

...That I will never be that close to you

You surround me

But you're far away

You surround me

And I will never be

Oh, I will never be

And I will never get that close to you

No matter what I do

I will never get that close to you

Can Do Kim (More Like Can't Do Kim)

Is Kim Kardashian the most delusional person on the planet Earth or is she a role-model for women everywhere?
It seems like an obvious answer, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt. She recently tweeted about wanting to lose 15-20 lbs. Apparently, she gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy and has had difficulty losing it (although, she later clarified that it's not just baby weight, because apparently calling it baby weight is just an excuse). I'm sure 100 percent of moms can sympathize with that. What mother has an easy time dropping the baby lbs?
Here's Kim's problem: she's complaining about losing those extra pounds while at the same time taking selfies in her bikini and being photographed wearing the tightest and shortest outfits imaginable. Do you see the disconnect?
Most women who feel slightly overweight, or who feel they weigh a bit more than they'd like, don't flaunt their bodies on social media. Granted, some women are overweight and proud. However, talking about the need to lose 15-20 lbs doesn't seem like something a proud person would say. Therefore, it's safe to assume Kim isn't proud of her current body. Yet, she flaunts it all over town. Again, see the disconnect?
So, it seems like the obvious answer is obvious for a reason. Kim is just delusional and doesn't understand the words that come out of her mouth (or in this case, out of her fingers). Perhaps she's looking for some sympathy. She did tweet that she was "glad some of you can relate." That begs another question: who the hell can relate to Kim Kardashian?
She also said that "dieting is soooo hard for me." Extra O's for emphasis, because the woman with one of the most enviable bodies on Earth has trouble keeping herself in shape (and she wants you to know it).
Kim needs to realize that you can't love yourself enough to dress in uber-skinny jeans and super tight dresses while also complaining about the 15-20 lbs you need to lose. Beside, no one is going to feel sorry/empathy for someone with THAT body (boobs and ass) and all that money.

Saying Goodbye to Britney Spears

Britney recently confessed to Mario Lopez that she's considering retiring after her Vegas run is up. I once read an article that began, "Britney is so famous that it's hard to imagine a world in which she doesn't exist." Well, in two years, we might find out what that world would look like. I'm guessing it probably won't look that great.
I was a freshman in college when I first heard ". . . Baby One More Time," Britney's first smash hit. I liked the song, but didn't immediately become enamored with the singer. I saw the video, and even though Britney looked amazing, I still didn't fall in love with her. Truthfully, I never bought either of her first two albums (I downloaded them illegally). In my defense, it was hard for a straight, college boy to go out and buy a Britney CD (remember, there was no iTunes back then).
By album three, her first self-titled album, I got up the courage to actually purchase it. At that point, like much of America, I had fallen in love with Britney. It wasn't the VMA snake or the "I'm A Slave 4 U" body. If I'm being honest, it was the whole package. She had the personality of someone you went to high school with: bubbly, but not annoying; sweet, but not boring.
The only thing that really changed over the past 10-plus years was that while America sorta gave up on her, her true fans never did. There's no doubt that on the road of life, she's seen her fair share of bumps. But, really, who hasn't? I know that I've had many ups and downs going from birth to where I am now. I've been the victim of some poor circumstances and I've caused my own pain.
Life is a learning experience that you never quite figure out until you're dead. I'm sure Britney will make more mistakes. You don't stop making mistakes just because you get older. I'm right there in the 30-club with Britney and I'm definitely not done screwing up.
I don't think Britney will really retire in two years. If she does, she'll leave behind quite the legacy. However, she'll also leave behind a lot of sad fans. I wonder if she truly knows the impact she's had on people's lives. She more than anyone else has encapsulated the phrase, "Be Yourself." Have you ever thought, even for a second, that Britney was ever being fake? Some artists you don't know about, but you always know with Britney.
When Britney retires, whether it's in two years or 20 years, she won't get a gold watch, she won't get a party, she won't even get a pat on the back and a "good job." She might get a thanks and a "don't let the door hit you on the way out." Many people have written her obituary for years; in fact, the AP wrote her actual obituary in 2007. Critics have been trying to get rid of her for years.
Here's the truth: we need Britney, warts and all. We need someone to look utterly bored during a boring interview instead of faking it, we need her quotes, we need the sexy videos, the songs, the choreography that everyone seems to think they can do better than Britney. But mostly we need a counterbalance to all the weird shit we see nowadays.
Yes, somehow Britney has become the most normal person in pop music. She keeps in tongue in her mouth and doesn't dress in meat.
I'm gonna miss Britney when she goes.

More Britney than Britney: Britney Jean delivers on all the promises

It can be hard to live up to a legacy. If you have a famous parent, people expect you to achieve the same level of fame. It's even harder to live up to a legacy if that legacy is your own.
Britney Spears didn't have famous parents. Her mom taught and her dad cooked. She forged her own legacy through hard work and determination. Her debut album and single both went #1. Her followup sold 1.3 million copies in its first week of release, a record that still stands. There's only one problem with being that good: you can only be that good for so long.
Every album after her second was successful. All but one reached #1. But because she couldn't top her second album, people wondered if she was finished. In fact, since her second album came out in 2000, people have been wondering if she was finished for 13 years.
No matter how many albums she sold, and she sold plenty given the nature of the music business, critics couldn't help but point out how each album after her second sold less and less. Even though one million here and a couple million there is pretty impressive, it wasn't 10 and 20 million like her first two albums. Therefore, something had to give. Either Britney really was finished or people would just have to accept that she'd never be able to top her first two albums.
If you accept the music for what it is, and not worry about how much it sells, you can really enjoy it. Britney knows that. If Britney wanted to sell millions of records, if that was her only goal, she would have simply copied the popular trends. Instead, she stayed ahead of the game: on Blackout she introduced EDM and dubstep-style music to the masses. When that sound got played out, she went in a different direction for Circus. A couple years later, Britney brought that sound back, even harder, with Femme Fatale.
It's hard to constantly stay ahead of the trends, though. You can only push music so far before you push it off the cliff. At some point Britney realized that fact. Therefore, she had to find another way to stay creative and ahead of her peers. What did she do? She created Britney Jean.
The mash-up has become very popular over the past decade. Taking two styles and combining them has worked for Jay Z and Linkin Park. It also works for Britney. While Britney Jean doesn't mash-up two different music styles, it mashes up two ideas: dance songs and personal songs.
Every pop artist has in their back pocket the treacly ballad designed to make you weep or to make you feel. They also have uptempo tracks designed to get you moving. Britney Jean gives you both, minus the treacly part. There are no tender weepy ballads here. No Everytime. What Britney has given us are thoughtful, even poignant songs about love and heartache that just happen to be set to a beat you can dance to.
She could have mailed this effort in. She didn't have to co-write every track on the album. But she realized something: if she wanted to continue to have success, she had to evolve. The dance-floor diva had to let people see behind the curtain. She may not reveal everything - a good magician never does - but she's pulled back the curtain to give us lessors a sneak peak.
Perfume is the story of a woman who's afraid her boyfriend still has feelings for an ex. She may not name names, but this is personal. Alien let's us know that Britney wants to go home. She's never belonged in Hollywood, and now she's finally telling us. In Passenger, Britney reveals that she's finally ready to let someone else take the wheel. Maybe it's Jesus, maybe it's not, but it's from her heart.
Britney gets so personal on this record that she even duets with her sister. They sing about drinking wine and chilling out. I know, Britney doesn't drink. But don't look at the wine as anything other than a metaphor. Perhaps Britney is now finally ready to relax. I don't know if she'll ever get to go "home" - she is a celebrity, after all, and the camera never disappears - but if she's comfortable enough to work with her sister, maybe she can turn Hollywood into home.
Britney's been a loner. Britney Jean reflects that fact. She has love now, though, thanks to her boyfriend and her children. Maybe on a future record, she could include this lyric:
I was happy being alone until I got lonely/Now I just wanna spend my life with you

Work Bitch Just Can't Push the Envelope

There was a time when anything that Britney Spears did was controversial: perform a strip-tease, dance with a snake, wear nothing but crystals/a red leather catsuit/nothing, and of course make out with a woman. Nowadays, that envelope is pretty hard to push. In the last couple of months we've seen videos featuring nudity, strippers, giant bears (?), hot dogs (?), and lots of tongue. And that's just from Miley Cyrus. Let's not even talk about Rihanna's booty shaking "Pout It Up" video.
We've seen it all it seems, so when Britney dropped her "Work Bitch" video featuring whips, chains, bondage, and sharks (!) the general reaction wasn't "Oh My God," it was "Oh." It's a great video and the response has been positive, but in a world in which twerking is the norm it just can't shock us.
Go back to the late 90s when Prodigy dropped their video for "Smack My Bitch Up." That video featured a first-person look at what we think is a guy doing drugs, getting drunk, abusing women (and men), and finally getting laid. Turns out it was a woman doing all that. It was so controversial that it could only air late at night on MTV. Today, if you just blurred out the boobs, you could air that in the middle of the day.
Therefore, how do you shock? How do you push the envelope? Britney is whipping girls in her video and she has one girl with a Beats Boombox in her mouth like a ball-gag. Yet, there's no outrage, no one crying foul. Maybe her and director Ben Mor didn't intend to shock anyone. Maybe they both know that the envelope has been pushed so far that it's not even worth trying.
Obviously, we've come along way since Prodigy asked us to smack our bitch up. We can see things on the Internet we never could: sex, blood, you name it, it's out there. So, Britney whipping some girl on the ass is pretty tame. In fact, we've pushed the envelope so far that the only way to shock is to not shock at all. In that regard, maybe "Work Bitch" is shocking.
Congrats Britney, you found a new way to push that envelope.

Big Brother Proves the Internet Has Flaws

For some ungodly reason, the TV show Big Brother has decided to start a live Internet feed. That means you can sit on your couch and watch people sitting on their couch. It's pretty meta. It's also pretty fucking stupid.
Of course, watching people 24 hours a day, racism and bigotry is bound to show up. Because when we don't like somebody, the easiest thing to do is to attack their race. Hate an Asian person - make fun of their driving. Hate a black person - offer them fried chicken and watermelon. Hate a gay person - call them a queen (or queer or faggot).
Seriously, is there nothing better to do than watch people behaving like morons? I can think of 50 things better to do. Here's a list:
1. Mow your lawn
2. Mow your neighbors lawn
3. Repaint your house
4. Put on an orange jumpsuit and pick up trash along the highway
5. Try on every item in your closet
6. Make borsch
7. Vacuum
8. Listen to every album Justin Bieber has ever released
9. Watch all 10 Friday the 13th movies in order
10. Donate a kidney
11. Alphabetize your soups
12. Download every single picture ever taken of Britney Spears
13. Watch every season of the Jersey Shore
14. Take apart your computer and put it back together
15. Cry
16. Dance the Macarena
17. Do the electric slide
18. Read the Bible from cover to cover
19. Learn Finnish
20. Bike ride to the northern most point in Canada
21. Light yourself on fire
22. Write a poem in iambic pentameter to Miley Cyrus
23. Twerk
24. Climb on the roof of your house and just stand there
25. Vomit
26. Liquify a cookie
27. Memorize the phone book
28. Play freeze tag, stay frozen
29. Watch the VHS tape of your parents' wedding
30. Play a round of golf with your eyes closed
31. Teach your goldfish yoga
32. Follow every single person on Twitter. Literally, every person
33. Build a time machine
34. Listen to your wife tell you about someone she doesn't like at work
35. Work Bitch
36. Sell your VCR on ebay
37. Read the Collected Works of William Shakesspeare
38. Buy a pair of yoga pants in every color
39. Create a program similar to Facebook (but not so similar that you'll get sued)
40.Sleep
41. Shoot a sex video that has no sex in it
42. Buy one scratch ticket for every day you thought about strangling someone
43. Shoot a rhino
44. Get breast implants, then have them removed the next day
45. Fall down
46. Get up
47. Cook every meal in your cookbook in one day
48. Knock on people's doors and offer to iron their shirts
49. Take up smoking
50. Swim from Cuba to Florida

What It Feels Like For a Britney Fan

I remember watching the movie "Wreck-it-Ralph" on April 15 when my phone sent me an alert from the ESPN app Scorecenter that read: "Two bombs go off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon." I kept watching the movie, but I quickly turned on my computer to see what the hell happened. Sure enough, two bombs did go off at the Boston Marathon finish line killing three people and wounding 200 more (many severely).
I spent that entire week addicted to the news. First came the reports of what happened, then came the call for help in identifying the suspects. Next, police tracked down the suspects and even managed to kill one. By that Friday, authorities has shut down the entire City of Boston, along with many neighboring communities. Eventually, police apprehended the second suspect.
I know what you're thinking: how could this have ANYthing to do with Britney Spears. It's simple: when your town gets bombed, you get upset. You feel remorse for the victims and anger at the people who did it. And those feelings are genuine.
Now, here's where Britney comes in. When she didn't perform this morning on Good Morning America, many people flipped out. They swore they were done with her, said they hoped her song didn't get to #1, and claimed that she didn't deserve any success. Keep in mind these are the same people who vote for her in every poll 100s and 100s of times. These people routinely buy her songs for not only themselves, but anyone else, just to ensure a #1. These people are crazy obsessed.
Yet, when their expectations aren't met (even if those expectations are unrealistic), they drum up all sorts of anger toward Britney. That's not realistic or healthy. It's one thing to get angry at two men for killing innocent people, but it's another to get angry at a woman because she didn't perform her latest single on TV.
It's fantastic that Britney has such devoted fans, but remember to keep things in perspective. There are legitimate reasons to feel angry. However, it's foolish to be angry with someone whose biggest crime is not doing something she never said she would do in the first place.
Imagine if you got a call from your mom around dinner time asking you to come home. She didn't say it, but you assumed based on the timing of the call that dinner would be ready. When you get home, there's no dinner. Should you be mad at your mom for not having dinner ready? Doesn't that seem foolish since she never mentioned dinner?
There are so many things to be mad about in this world: murder, rape, bombing other countries, war, social injustice, and racism just to name a scant few. But trust me, Britney Spears not performing on GMA is hardly something to be bothered about. Direct your anger toward something that really deserves it.

Britney Spears and Sexual Promiscuity

Are Britney Spears fans sexually promiscuous? Does Britney's music (and accompanying videos) or her overall image cause sexual promiscuity? Are her fans more sexually promiscuous than fans of, say, Adele or Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez?
There's no doubt that from a young age Britney has been portrayed as something to be desired, lusted after, objectified, and fantasized about. The media called her a Lolita - an underage girl who attracts the attention of grown men (named after the book of the same name about a grown man who begins a sexual relationship with a 12-year old girl). Even though Britney was 16 when "Baby One More Time" came out, she still fit the definition of an underage girl; and we, the general public, began our sexual relationship with her then.
There's little doubt that Britney has inspired sexual thoughts in almost all (straight) men at some point in her 15-year career (and some gay men, too, more than likely). From her school-girl outfit in her "Baby One More Time" video to the red catsuit in her "Oops I Did It Again" video to baring her midriff in her "I'm a Slave 4 U" video, Britney has always tapped into the male fantasy.
From the female perspective, while they may have never sexualized Britney as the men did (and still do), judging by the outfits worn at Britney concerts over the years, they clearly took notes of what Britney wore and how she was portrayed. And they attempted to be seen the same way. You couldn't go to a Britney concert and not see teenage girls (and some even younger) dressed in school-girl outfits or baring their midriff (with belly-piercing intact). Imagine being the father of a young girl and beside being concerned about how Britney dressed, you now have to walk past thousands of Lolitas showing way too much skin.
Over the years, Britney has been the stuff of fantasy: dancing around in tiny, little outfits, shaking her ass for prying eyes, and appearing on the cover of magazines wearing next to nothing (or not wearing anything at all). Obviously, Britney inspires sexual thoughts (ironically, Britney claimed to be a virgin as she inspired many dirty thoughts in the minds of young boys (and grown men)).
Even if she wasn't having sex, she was clearly putting those thoughts out there. In fact, Britney ushered in a whole new era of dirty old men. These weren't just fathers, either. Many men above the age of 40, with or without kids, lusted after her (in another ironic twist, her innocence and squeaky clean image caused most of the dirty thoughts. Even when she dirtied it up with the "I'm a Slave 4 U" single and video people still saw her as pure. It wasn't until her marriage to Kevin Federline and subsequent divorce that her purity went out the window in the eyes of the general public (as did the fantasy most men harbored for her)).
With all those sexual thoughts in the air, floating around, it's only a matter of time until they manifest into the actual act of sex. When young girls walk around half-naked in high heels, it can only be assumed they're doing more than showing it off. While Britney may have never told people explicitly to have sex (her songs always tease the idea of sex, but never actually talk about doing it), she clearly influenced her female fans to dress that way (and her male fans to have sexual desires). Combine the two (women dressed like they "want it" and men who are more than eager to give it to them) and you have a recipe for copious amounts of sex. Therefore, it's only natural to assume Britney fans are sexually promiscuous.
Of course, the media hated Britney for it. They claimed she compelled young girls to dress provocatively. Those same girls, however, would likely claim that Britney empowered them to be bold and not care what people thought.
The media also claimed she intentionally sexed it up to inspire a reaction in grown men, one they weren't supposed to have about a 16-, 17-, 18-year old girl. Truthfully, the media put a lot of the blame on the shoulders of her managers, saying they took advantage of Britney.
Today, the media's opinion of Britney has less to do with how she influences young girls or what thoughts she inspires in grown men since she's no longer a Lolita nor a major influence on teenage and pre-teenage girls. They're more concerned with whether she's a train wreck or not.
However you look at it, Britney continues to induce a sexual reaction from men (though less since she lost her purity to the general public). Even though her fans are older (and subsequently less apt to take style cues from Britney), her concerts are still packed with barred midriffs and belly-piercings proving that Britney's influence is never-ending.

The Thighs Have it

I'm reading way too much talk about whether or not thighs touch and whether or not that's a good thing or a bad thing. Girls whose thighs touch think it's wrong if they don't touch, while girls whose thighs don't touch think it's wrong if they do. Maybe they're both wrong.
I'm a guy, so I don't know if I qualify for the discussion, but my thighs don't touch. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? I doubt it. If my thighs did touch, should I be concerned? I doubt that, either.
There are websites devoted to this topic, where girls discuss how they managed to go from touching thighs to separated thighs ( a thigh divorce, perhaps). They seem awful proud of themselves. That's sad. Is there a website where girls discuss how they managed to get their separated thighs back together? Probably not. Should there be? Should either website exist? Probably not.
Here's something that might even be sadder than websites devoted to thigh management: parents drilling into their kids' heads that women whose thighs don't touch have problems (or that somehow separated thighs are a bad thing). Thighs are just thighs, neither good nor bad. If they touch, fine. If they don't, fine.
Parents, and by that I mean moms, don't need to tell their children, and by that I mean daughters, there is or isn't a problem with thighs touching or not touching.
Britney Spears' thigh touch, Paris Hilton's don't. Does that make one woman any better than the other?
Maybe we should just stop paying so much attention to thighs. I can tell you as a man I've never heard another man say, "I would have slept with her but her thighs touched." Nor has any man said, "She'd be a great girlfriend if her thighs touched."
Ladies should not be afraid to having touching thighs nor should they be afraid to have a little space in between. That's the message we should send - that it's perfectly normal to have thighs of any size. Moms don't need to put down other, perfectly healthy women to give their daughters confidence. A woman who's 5 feet 10 and 120 lbs is not a bad role model, just as a woman who is 5 feet 5 and 160 lbs is not a bad role model.
Here's a suggestion: put your knees together, if your thighs touch give yourself a pat on the back; if they don't touch give yourself a pat on the back. This way, everyone wins.

A Feud Without Glee

On this week's episode of Glee, they paid tribute, of sorts, to some of music's top rivalries (Elton-Madonna, NSYNC-Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey-Nicki Minaj). One rivalry conspicuous by its absence was Britney-Christina.
There are a couple reasons for that oversight, the most obvious being that Glee had covered so many Britney songs already, they just had nothing left in the tank (or as Kevin McHale's character Artie said in "Britney 2.0:" "We've scrapped the bottom of the Britney barrel.").
However, there's another reason Glee passed on the Britney-Christina feud, a very simple reason that doesn't have to do with the number of songs Glee has featured from either girl. Simply put, they never had a feud.
Sure, the media would have you believe that the two blond (well, now one blond and one brunette) singers were bitter rivals from day one (and are still to this day). The girls, themselves, always painted a different picture by claiming that they never feuded. Christina, especially, liked to claim the media pitted them against each other because they were young, successful female artists.
That begs the question of who's right. Did Britney and Christina feud or did the media, as Christina claims, pit them against each other because they were young, successful girls? I think the evidence clearly shows that they never really feuded, aside from a brief spell in 2003-2004 (after the 2003 VMAs). Truthfully, even that little spat was media controlled.
After Madonna kissed both girls, the media only focused on Britney and ignored (like the MTV cameras did) Christina. Later, Christina claimed that Britney lip-synched her parts of the performance. Britney then fired back in Blender magazine that Christina was "dark and scary." And that's really all the shots they've taken at each other.
I don't know the technical definition of the word feud, but I'm confident it requires the feuding parties to attack each other more than once.
To be fair, I feel bad for Christina, because if they ever did feud (or are feuding) Britney either dominated or is dominating. Not to say that Christina hasn't had success; she has awards, plus commercial and critical love. She's just been stuck in Britney's shadow from the beginning.
Christina has two #1 albums. Britney has six. Christina has sold over 17 million albums in the United States. Britney has sold twice that amount. Christina has five #1 singles, but only one since 2001 ("Moves Like Jagger," as a featured artist in 2011). Britney has had four #1 singles since 2008 (one as a featured artist with Rihanna).
Just look at Christina's numbers and they're pretty impressive. Unfortunately, they don't compare to Britney's. If you throw away sales and just focus on critical reviews, a category you'd expect Christina to dominate with her amazing voice, she actually loses there, too. According to metacritic, which complies all reviews and assigns them a number (0-100), Christina's average score is 58. Britney's is 64.
Throw in personal problems, which both have had (Christina's been arrested, Britney lost custody of her kids), bad performances (Christina forgot some of the words to the National Anthem at the Super Bowl, Britney humiliated herself at the 2007 VMAs) and relationship problems (both are divorced), and Christina can't seem to catch Britney anywhere. Even physically, as most people would argue that while Christina is attractive, Britney's just more so.
Maybe this is why Glee didn't include the Britney-Christina feud, because if it was a feud, Britney is wearing the belt after a first round KO.
Ironically, when they both first started, the media couldn't wait to write Britney's obituary, yet never said that Christina's 15 minutes of fame were nearing. Now, the media can't pile dirt on Christina's grave quick enough, all the while marveling at Britney's longevity.
I don't think they ever feuded. I think they just happened to be two young, pretty, blond girls who sang pop music that the media lumped together. Sadly, it just makes Christina's accomplishments look weak when pitted against Britney's. Hopefully history doesn't remember her as that "other" blond girl.
She deserves better.

Brie Theory

Meeting people on the Internet is interesting. I've met many people via Internet forums and chat rooms (back in the 90s when people actually did that). Some of them were really good friends and some I spoke to a couple times.
Out of all the people I met online, I only ever met two in person. Both times it went perfectly fine. They were exactly who said they were. One person lived close and one lived a little further away. It actually worked out because the one who lived a bit further met me in Montreal for a Britney concert. Without her, I never would have gone to see that tour (Onyx Hotel).
I feel fortunate that I've been able to meet good people on and off line. There are plenty of people I knew online who I never had the chance to meet and some I know now who I'll probably never meet. But thanks to Twitter, Facebook, texting, Skype, and the like, you can have relationships with people without ever meeting them. Not serious relationships, necessarily, but good friendships.
Sometimes you can have good friendships that turn to shit, because sometimes people lie to your face (well, via text message). Or, they say one thing but act a completely different way. For example, they say they don't like you and aren't your friend, yet they talk to you all the time. Confusing, right?
Let's say one day you get mad and tell that person to fuck off (and you're not the kinda person who says things like that often). This person you told to fuck off, let's say a month later, starts talking to you again. Even more confusing, right?
I know I don't get it. I don't understand how someone can say and do opposite things. Tell me all about your life and your problems and your boyfriends, but when we fight you suddenly never liked me. Of course, when we don't fight, you like me just fine. I hear about your drunk one-night stands that turn into three-year relationships and I wonder if I'm supposed to feel sorry for you. Do you want my sympathy? I doubt it, because you even admit that your behavior was foolish and wrong.
The funniest thing is how the meanest things you say are throwaway lines you don't even realize are insulting. For instance, telling me in no uncertain terms that I'm not important. Do you even see how hard a slap in the face that is? Especially considering all the things I've done.
It seems like I'm complaining, and maybe I am, but I'm tired of being stepped on and used. I'm pretty considerate, and outside of maybe two instances I've never really gotten angry. I'm good at shoving problems down and keeping my mouth shut. That's why I'm writing this blog. Just to get everything out there.
I think everyone at least once has felt used. I even think in some situations it's OK. If you're hurting you can take it out on me. I can take it. But there comes a point where it's always about you and never about me. Over four years I've realized that you have issues you need to work on. When every relationship you've ever been in starts with you getting drunk, then that's pretty obvious. And now you've found someone without the use of alcohol, which is great, but . . . well, you called me clingy, yet in the four years I've known you, I don't think you've ever not been dating someone. Honestly, you're Taylor Swift minus the fame and fortune.
I've been single for many years, you're always in a relationship. Who's clingy? I'm not flying to Texas to meet some guy I just met through World of Warcraft for a booty call. I'm sorry, but if a guy who just started dating you last month is willing to pay your ticket to Texas, he's clearly looking for sex.
I hate to air dirty laundry, but I'm tired of going back and forth. This is the best way to get my feelings out. For whomever reads this, maybe you've been in my situation. If so, let me know how it ended.

Screaming & Shouting

For some reason, there's an amount of people who dislike will.i.am., an amount that seems large because they're quite vocal. The sales of the group he's in, Black Eyed Peas, would indicate the vocal haters are actually a small group with big mouths. Whatever the case, all you hear from these people is how horrible his music is. Yet, somehow, he produces hit after hit. Teaming with Britney Spears on "Scream & Shout," to quote his musical tag team partner, oops, he did it again.
To be fair to the vocal haters, his solo work never really caught on until he teamed with Britney. But once the Queen of Pop and Mr. i.am. hit the studio together, they made magic. First with "Big Fat Bass" (a personal favorite of mine) and now with "Scream & Shout" (not my favorite, to be honest), Britney and will have shown how they can create something special together.
In fact, you can argue (and probably come out on top) that "S&S" is Britney's biggest hit ever. It's clearly her biggest radio hit ever. It's poised to potentially reach number one. If it does it would be the first time a Britney song went to number one after being on the charts for more than two months. Her other hits either debuted at #1 ("Baby One More Time, 3, Hold it Against Me) or flew up the charts in record fashion (Womanizer went from  number 97 to number one, a record at the time for the largest jump in Billboard history).
With the rumor that will.i.am. will executive produce Britney's next album comes two reactions: booing from the vocal haters and excited screams from people who realize that Britney and will have hit two home runs together. Will's music isn't perfect, there are plenty of songs to dislike, but he and Britney have come together like peanut butter and jelly. Whether you like "Scream & Shout" you can't deny its success. Usually after 10 weeks on the chart, a Britney song is falling out of the top 10. With "S&S" the song is still climbing the chart. It's still in the top three on iTunes.
Maybe an entire Britney and will.i.am. album wouldn't work. But if he threw a couple songs on her next album, and they were anywhere near the quality of "Big Fat Bass" or "Scream & Shout," then you could almost guarantee another hit. In fact, imagine if "BFB" was released as a single instead of "Criminal?" Don't you think that would have given Britney another top 10 hit?
Peanut butter goes well with many things: chocolate, jelly, marshmallows, etc. It doesn't go well with ketchup, mustard or mayonnaise. Perhaps in some of will's other songs he worked with one of those three. But Britney is clearly his jelly.
By her eighth album, America might not be ready for their, well, you know how the song goes.